Due to my worsening health, and the demands of my life in general, I have decided to take a real and indefinite step back from the adult service provider industry. However, I am not quite making a full exit; due to my many archives, I will possibly have someone to continue to maintain my Adultwork.com profile, my clips4sale site, and my onlyfans site. But I haven’t decided on this for sure yet. So if they disappear you know that I have gone for good.
Any others will be closed and discontinued. I will no longer be seeing slaves for sessions, conducting phone chats or generally communicating with slaves at all. This is a decision that has taken me a long time to reach, however, I believe the time has now come for me to pursue my creative passions, and allow myself quality time with my family since they have come second to Miss Deelight’s slaves for far too long.
As well as that, I must commit to my mental health recovery (boy oh boy is that going to be a lot of work haha), as it has transpired that depression and low self-esteem was merely a symptom of some more serious issues from the long distant past that have been left undealt with.
By the way, in the hope that this might actually help someone out there who is wondering what the hell is wrong with them, and I know there will be, I will openly share the physiological symptoms I started experiencing:
I first started losing my energy, then I developed a brain fog which clouded my memory, blocked my creativity and reduced my vocabulary to a point where I could not remember the simplest of words and worse still I couldn’t remember important information like my friends’ spouses or kids names! At it’s worst I pretty much lost the ability to form a sentence without it taking forever to find the words. Eventually, my energy levels depleted to the point where I couldn’t get out of bed on many days. I was cancelling sessions all the time. Because of the brain fog, there would be days where I couldn’t even figure out how to get dressed. I felt unexplained pain all over my body which made doing simple tasks, like showering and getting dressed, incredibly difficult and on some days, impossible. I lost interest in EVERYTHING and I simply could not find any positives in life at all, even though they were all around me.
Then it got worse still as I began comparing myself to others in the industry. While I was losing my mind and gaining weight, everyone else seemed to be so effortlessly flaunting themselves with skill, earning all that lovely money that I once earned. (Yep, that part destroyed my self-confidence). I was convinced that I had a brain tumour (LOL), which is what prompted me to visit the doctor and thus begin this long journey of recovery.
In more recent times it has transpired that there some dominant ladies out there who have been experiencing mental health issues of their own, and their honesty at the time was both admirable and incredibly inspiring and helpful, in my opinion. Especially since I had been on the rather brutal receiving end of judgement from those who simply didn’t understand the suffering I felt. As I begin to flourish once more, I am likely to devote a little time to the crusade against the stigma of mental illness. I guess this post is already forming the start of that process.
To any other ladies or gents, working in the industry who may be finding themselves beginning to struggle with its demands, or feel they are losing their confidence, their spark or even (like I did) their memory! My advice would be to allow yourself a little breathing time to reassess the situation. Yes, let’s all agree that the money is incredible but having a nice (overinflated) income (and ego) can certainly come at a much larger cost than people realise. Be honest with yourself and please don’t be afraid to be honest with your clients too. Sure there will be the odd person who will advise against doing so, as they believe it shows weakness. But that is, in my opinion, utter bullshit. What your honesty will actually show is that you are human and that you are real. Most of the responses I have received over the past few months has been in favour of realism. Take NO notice of anyone who tries to tell you how to conduct your affairs or live your life. You do what you feel is best for you it’s your life! Believe me when I say that once I started listening to my heart instead of the opinions of others, I began to feel the weight lifting off my shoulders and gathered some much-needed perspective.
Guess what? It is Okay to not be Okay!
We are all human at the end of the day, we all have real lives and for people suffering from mental illness, all the smoke, mirrors and ‘ACTING’ mighty and powerful can add a huge amount of extra pressure. If you wake up in the morning and think, “My stomach cannot take watching another man eat his own cum today”, that is a pretty good sign in my opinion that there is much more to life than money. And there is another subject; MONEY!
The harder you work in this industry, the more you earn, the more you earn, the greater your spending. Nice house, nice car, nice bag, nice shoes, nice bling etc. The perks are amazing too, I could click my fingers and have anything I wanted. Wonderful! Until you fall ill, and by ill, I am not just talking mental illness. There are plenty of physical illnesses that can very quickly reduce our ability to work or ‘perform’. Once illness of any kind strikes, the fear of losing all that lovely material stuff and falling into financial difficulties, is horrendous. I am not going to lie. It is the reason it has taken me so long to admit to myself that my profession is no longer right for me. And that financial crash can happen in a heartbeat, causing intolerable anxiety. But it isn’t the end of the world. Material possessions are just that, so what if you can’t have that new designer handbag for £300 because you can only just about cover the basic living costs. There is help out there. I did go to Citizens advice first but after discovering that whilst they know their stuff, I certainly did not like hearing words like IVA or Bankruptcy or Debt Relief Orders, plus the waiting list to speak to the debt team was 2-3 months, by which time I would have defaulted on payments which something I did not want to do. So, instead, I wrote to my bank and credit card companies directly. I explained my situation and am now in the process of working out a suitable repayment plan, whilst all interest, charges and fees have now been frozen indefinitely or until I am back in a greater financial position. As long as you contact them BEFORE things get out of hand and explain that you do not want to write your debts off, they are really empathic and helpful. I know that paying my dues will give me a greater sense of achievement and boost my self-confidence down the line, there is no shame in struggling because of illness. Just act as soon as you know that your finances are going to go into decline.
Wow, I really did go into one there didn’t I? What began as a little insight into my personal life has grown into a full-on self-help guide to fucking up while working in the adult industry! LOL.
If you are still waiting for custom clips from me, please do accept my apologies. You WILL get these, I am not intending on being dishonourable and I will contact you individually regarding this. Once I have tied up any loose ends, I will no longer be responding to emails. Your only way of reaching me will be via my onlyfans.com website.
Thank you to everyone who has supported me during my time as Miss Deelight, and especially those who have done so during my health conditions and life changes. You will have already been contacted by me directly before I have even posted this message.
A small percentage of my clients, I will now regard as friends. You will know who you are, you have been supportive and kind and generous. Many of the people I have met via the industry over the past 6 years have been interesting people who have really given me some experiences I will never forget.
I have also dealt with more than my fair share of desperate wankers, time wasters and free-loaders who have almost certainly contributed to my lack of interest and low mood. I’m sure you probably do the same to plenty of other adult service providers who are working so hard to keep you guys happy. And it IS hard work. It’s bullshit that we wake up looking flawless and a million dollars. Staying in shape and maintaining physical appearance to look hot and sexy for you lot, takes up so much time. An hours session is never just an hour. Some of you guys turn up stinking of B.O. with god awful breath and cheesy stinking bell ends, while us ladies have put in hours to look stunning and beautiful and every bit, your fantasy. All of you whom this paragraph relates to, the freeloaders, time wasters and smelly cunts should be ashamed of yourselves. You have always disgusted me. THIS TOTAL HONESTY IS SO LIBERATING!!
The nice guys, who show respect in every way they can, the ones who show their appreciation and boost the ladies they worship, you are the ones who deserve the time and attention in this two way street. And in my case, you’re part of the reason I tried to keep going. Keep it up, the industry needs you just as much as you need us ladies
So this is pretty much goodbye. Mistress Deelight is handing over the reins to whoever the real person inside of me, is.
Love, Respect and A Big Thank you, from me.