Mistress knows me. She knows my needs and desires like no one else has ever done. She knows how to control me using my weaknesses like a set of reins. She knows precisely when to taunt, when to tease, when to praise and when to punish. She knows when to blow me a kiss and when to scare the living daylights out of me. She knows how to mentally and physically intimidate me into total submission. Most of all she knows how to deny me to the point when I think I will crumble under the urgency for release and then deny me some more. And just occasionally she will provide that release, ensuring in so doing that I never quite forget what my suffering might lead to. Today, as I finish this week’s blog, I am lost in my submission to her.
My blog must as always start with last Sunday. I submitted my blogs from the previous week. I say ‘blogs’ as I was required to submit two this week. The first talking about my week as a whole and the second that covered my session on the Wednesday. Writing blogs is never easy. These ones were particularly difficult as I wanted anyone who read them to understand how Mistress had really got inside my head in the previous 7 days. It had felt like she had dissected and unpicked my thoughts and emotions and carefully crafted a way of using them against me. Mistress picked up on two errors in my blogs and told me to fix them. Just as I was in the process of putting right my mistakes the screen on my PC told me that I was locked out until 3pm. I didn’t know that Mistress could do that! I knew that she had put parental control software on my PC that prevented me accessing porn sites but had no idea that she could literally lock me out from the whole PC. I tried to access my e mail through my phone, only to find that internet access had been turned off. I could telephone and text, but nothing else. All that I was left with to try to satisfy my need for fetish content was the ability to look back on old tweets and texts. A couple of hours went by before Mistress eased her grip on me and allowed me back on line to correct and re-submit my blogs. It had been a torturous couple of hours being denied access to the fetish world. Little did I know that Mistress was just preparing for what was to come at the end of the week.
Later that day Mistress set me a task. It was to write a story for her about Chastity. She told me that she wanted ‘to take you back to basics’. I had no idea what she meant by this but just the fact that she had a plan for my continued submission was enough to send me into a slavish dither. I wrote the story as instructed and submitted it to Mistress on the Monday. In writing it I was constantly reminded of the fact that I had given up any opportunity to pleasure myself. Mistress has total control of that now.
On Tuesday Mistress sent me a video. It was only 1 minute and 5 seconds long. But it was devastatingly effective. In it Mistress told me that I had had lots of internet access over last couple of days, and that she was loving that she could turn it off in an instant. I could almost feel her beautiful eyes penetrating my soul as she said ‘You just don’t know when my grip on you will tighten once again.’ She finished the video by saying ‘Take a look at what I am wearing for the custom I am about to film.’ and allowing the camera to pan down ‘Ooh, I bet you’re going to be a dribbling mess now. Bye bye.’ I was left with the image of Mistress grinning, safe in the knowledge that she had left me horny and helpless.
The following day I found myself still watching a listening to the 1 minute and 5 seconds of teasing. Mistress is addictive! It was the ‘Ooh, I bet you’re going to be a dribbling mess now. Bye bye.’ with a gorgeous smile, that got me every time. I love it when Mistress so obviously knows the effect that she has on me and enjoys my discomfort. At some point during the day Mistress turned off my access to the internet on my phone. It doesn’t actually tell me that this has been done. It is just that apps like Twitter stop updating when I try to connect. To start with I had thought that it was my phone playing up. But then it continued, and a text from Mistress confirmed the point. My lifeline today was my PC in the workshop. Twitter is the thing that I use the most these days to get my kicks. At least I was able to access this on my PC. I am prevented from accessing any other porn sites and so have to fill that void with something. Thankfully I have several videos of Mistress backed up in a folder on my PC and so these too fill this fetish void.
Having experienced a quiet day on Thursday (this is the one day when Mistress spends more time on herself and less on her slaves) I woke up at 3am on Friday morning to find that my internet access had been turned off on my phone. Two hours later having found it impossible to sleep I went out to my workshop to find that my Laptop had been locked down also. Apparently I was not going to be allowed back onto that until 3pm on Sunday! I sat in front of my PC not really knowing what to do with myself. For some reason my predicament really got to me at that point. I recognised the facts for what they were. I was locked in a chastity device with no possibility of being allowed access to the key and therefore Mistresses property. I can never forcibly remove the device as Mistress would discover this at my next session and deal with me accordingly. My two ‘windows’ into the fetish world (PC and Phone) had been taken away from me. I felt absolutely and totally helpless.
A few words here about distance control. I have always needed my submission to be real, tangible and if possible physical. That is why I feel the need to be physically restrained (ropes, chains, stocks, cable ties or anything else!) when in a session. Until recently being locked in a chastity device was the most ‘tangible’ part of distance control for me together with the need to provide evidence of task completion such as photo’s, video’s and reviews. Much of my submission however, when away from the HOD, relies on my total honesty with Mistress. IE if she tells me to do something, or to stop doing something I always do what I am told. This is wonderful and has worked very successfully for me for a long time, but it is not absolute. Computer and now phone control has added a whole new perspective to distance control. It is tangible and real. Mistress has installed software. Mistress has changed passwords. Mistress can see everything that I do in my fetish life online, can delve into my personal files, can monitor who I follow, who I contact and what I can access. Being in control of my usage of my workshop PC was one thing, but being able to do the same with my phone is a whole different ball game (Freudian slip). This brings me so much closer to my desire to be under Mistresses inescapable control at all times.
I sent Mistress my morning text and told her how I felt. What happened next will already be known by many of those reading this blog. I of course had little idea of what was going on, isolated as I was. My PC was totally inaccessible. My phone however, whilst disconnected from the internet, did still send me notifications of incoming e mails. I couldn’t access any of the e mails but the notifications that appeared on my phone screen did give me the first 5 or six words. As a result of this I spent the whole day seeing notification after notification of tweets involving me. I noticed that most of them were re-tweets and this surprised me. I even saw one tweet notification from Mistress that had the word camaraderie in it. Throughout the day Mistress kept in touch through texts. She wouldn’t tell me anything about what was going on but just took the opportunity to taunt and to tease. With everything else taken away from me Mistress was the only person in the world who I could share my feelings with. I felt very needy and was so glad that Mistress was there for me. It was almost as if I had forgotten that she was the person doing this to me in the first place. At one point she made it clear to me that I wasn’t being punished for some wrongdoing. No, Mistress was making me suffer in this way because it was fun for her. Knowing that Mistress was enjoying herself made me happy, and very horny. As always I try not to text too frequently. After all why would Mistress want to hear me from me ‘bleating on’ all the time. Eventually my need to be released from my fetish exile got the better of me and I asked to be allowed back onto Twitter. Mistress responded in an instant with ‘nope’. I have said it before and I will say it again – no is such a sexy word, however it is said. It just confirms who is truly in charge. There is no doubt in my mind that it is Miss Deelight! I went to bed fearing a terrible night’s sleep. In actual fact I slept like a log.
I awoke this morning (Saturday) to find my phone internet still locked down. I began to fear that my exile might last for days. What a terrible thought. I sent my morning text to Mistress and headed out to my workshop. With very little anticipation I opened up my laptop and tried to sign in. It worked I was free! But… there was a video file on my desktop that was not there previously. Mistress had been on my PC using Teamviewer. I clicked on the icon and nervously watched as a video of her time on my PC started to play back on my screen. Mistress had been looking through my files again. But then she had done something totally unexpected. She had opened up something called network sharing and was somehow looking at my computer in the house. I was shocked. This is my ‘family’ PC that is used by the whole household. Mistress knows of it and also knows that I never use it for anything fetish related. I am just too scared that I might leave some image or trace of my fetish life. The fact that she seemed to be able to access it so easily was very scary. Mistress spent some time looking through all my family photo’s. She even found a couple from my wedding day. I subsequently tried to convince her that brown suits with flared trousers and platform shoes were the height of good taste in the 1970’s. I don’t think she believed me.
I sent Mistress a text and thanked her for allowing me back onto my PC. I then quickly caught up with all of the twitter posts that were causing me so much torment the day before. I saw Mistresses post and videos encouraging everyone to make life difficult for me by retweeting. And I saw how many fellow slaves had joined in. Some slaves even tweeted and retweeted several times (you know who you are!). And somehow my torment intensified further. At one point I got so wound up that I sent a ridiculous text to Mistress almost begging to be released from chastity to provide myself an orgasm. And I meant it, I was desperate. The answer from Mistress? ‘*giggles*’. I have actually had to stop and start this blog several times because I have been too wound up to continue. I am actually relieved to have nearly completed it. I will certainly be glad to send it to Mistress tomorrow morning as required and to start a new week. I feel quite exhausted. Who knows what next week will bring.
Let me conclude by saying this. If you are considering asking Miss Deelight to be your Mistress either in session or distance control, then don’t hold back. Make that choice and then be totally honest with her. Give her the knowledge and the power and you can be sure that she will use it in ways that you would never have thought possible and that you will never regret.