As Slave Sissy Mouse completed his first full year of distance control he has pretty much done a controller-coaster round trip; soaring to the stars and swimming in the depths of despair and for the most part of 2016 has been subconsciously trying to unbuckle and eject at every turning. This is not because my control is wrong, believe me I have not given him any non consensual or undiscussed control; everything he has been faced with has been of his own request. The problem is that he lost himself. I believe the chastity failing was the beginning followed by a whole barrage of things going on his personal life. He analysed himself too much and as a result couldn’t figure out head nor tail of what was going on inside that endearing bumbling brain of his.
Fortunately for my slave, I know him well enough to decide that it is time to draw the line. Not the line under our D/s relationship but a line under which he has any say in the matter! Some might say that he should not have had any say in the matter anyway, however submission is when a person gives themselves freely. With plenty of other slaves in my stable, doing just that I didn’t have the time to enforce a strict regime while he was confused about pretty much everything. However the penny dropped the other day, in that giving this particular slave his own mind isn’t best for him. It allows for that confusion to grow and spread.
The simple fact of the matter is that I do not have time for demanding slaves. I am one Mistress to many submissives, so if you are not going to submit unequivocally then you must leave! I expect my slaves to continuously strive for perfection as I do myself. Now that I have made that point clear, all is well again in the world of Sissy Mouse and the future is looking bright. To any new slaves reading my website with a view to an ongoing arrangement, you will do well to take note of the points made here.
I am exceptionally good at my profession, if you want the best you should strive to be your best!
Distance control journal week 52.
I have finally arrived virtually unscathed from a year of distance control. If you have read my ramblings since week 1 you will know it’s been a slightly bumpy ride due to my bumbling brain but it has also been incredibly interesting, I have learnt a lot about myself and this week has certainly focused my mind probably more so than ever before. I am certainly guilty of constantly trying to wonder off the path and look for a gap in the fence. Rather than just say saying “Yes Mistress” I constantly fight things in my head (sometimes for no reason) because no one likes a doormat. Yes, I am submissive but I am no pushover but sometimes the stubborn side of me is too blunt. We are all (as Slave Taquin put it in one of his recent blogs) eclectic and that’s what makes the world of D/s interesting.
Sunday and the beginning of week 52. My weight is still the same so no orgasm this week. I also have a great dilemma on my hands today. I am having Sunday lunch with my mum. I don’t get to do this that often usually because one of us is busy but today after probably a month I get to just turn up and get fed. This visit however has placed me between a rock and a hard place. Mistress has instructed me to refrain from roast potatoes with my lunch so I phone my mum the evening before and explain (as she herself points out to me on many occasions) that I am trying to eat more healthily and could she cook less roast potatoes because I will have boiled instead. The answer is a swift no followed by you don’t have my roast dinner that often so you will get what you always have. I message Mistress my dilemma on the Sunday morning and Mistress replies that I can have 1 roast potato and I am to send her a picture of my plate before we eat. I reply that I don’t think my mum will have any of it and I may have to take my chances of being in trouble with Mistress rather than annoying my eighty odd year old mother. When we finally get to putting the food on the plate after a small battle I get away with 2 quarters of roast potatoes. I take a picture to which my mum looks at me quite oddly and send it to Mistress. I then enjoy probably the least relaxed Sunday lunch ever. Once we are finished I check my phone and gingerly open Mistress’s reply to my picture and luckily she is pleased I persevered and the scales with thank me and I will then thank Mistress. I go about the rest of my Sunday slightly battle scarred from the experience.
Monday arrives and my morning message to Mistress is replied to with Mistress enquiring where my previous 2 weeks’ blogs are. I inform Mistress that I sit down and try to write them but my mind goes blank and then I run out of pc time (still trying to wander off the path). Mistress replies that I like Slave Taquin must structure our blog write ups within our allocated pc time. Mistress also explained that the pc time limits is to ensure that we are more productive for her and don’t just sit at the pc when we have spare time. Mistress then very generously grants me access all day to write weeks 50 and 51. I thank Mistress and get a reply that made me consider my behaviour more than ever in the past. Mistress wrote “You should strive to be the best for Mistress, after all you are one of the ones setting a precedence for others to work towards” I thank Mistress for the extra time and sit at the blank page. Written below is what I stared at for about an hour……
Distance control journal weeks 50 and 51
I don’t think this is for me anymore!
No matter what I wrote it was all very negative. I had had a great session with Mistress the previous week and other things to write about but try as I might I couldn’t come out with anything positive. I send Mistress a picture of my now heathy lunch and tell her that I am struggling to write the blogs. Mistress in her now understanding way informs me that time is running out and I better get them done. I have my lunch and go back to staring at a blank screen. Eventually I manage to write a very short week 50 summery and get into my stride of writing about week 51 in a (correct) positive way. Once done I message Mistress to confirm they are finished and sent.
Tuesday arrives and my morning message to Mistress was late because my mum wasn’t feeling well and I was getting some medication she needed. I messaged Mistress around 10 to explain why my message was late and to wish her a nice day. Mistress replied that the only person she will make allowances for is my mum, which was nice. Later I send my daily picture of my heathy lunch and tuck in. Once I finish I check my phone and a couple of messages from Mistress the first enquiring if I had eaten it the second saying don’t eat it and then the last one saying forget the other 2 just eat it. I message back to say that was lucky because I already had. Mistress then replied with my task for the next day. I am to make my sandwich then have a ruined orgasm and use the cum from the ruin as an extra ingredient. I also had to film it. I thanked Mistress for the task and went about my day with this churning over in my mind.
On Wednesday I messaged Mistress to wish her a nice day and confirm my lunchtime task. Mistress very firmly reminded me that I was to make sure that I did a self-controlled ruin and not get any pleasure from it. Finally, lunchtime arrives and I make the sandwich set up my phone to record it do an introduction for Mistress and then start. This is where something very odd happened I lost my erection. When Mistress sent me the instructions the previous day I was turned on to say the least from that moment until I started to try and edge myself. After about 3 minutes I stopped recording and deleted it. On waiting a few minutes, I got everything back and happy which was easy because this sort of task turns me on its humiliating and degrading. As before got the sandwich pressed record and did my introduction and started and once again I start to lose my erection. So I keep going in an almost mechanical fashion and it does finally come back, maybe it was knowing that it wasn’t for pleasure and that a ruin just leaves you with an unsatisfied painful feeling but anyway finally I got to the point where a few more strokes would have been pleasure but stopped and produced the ruin that I hoped Mistress would be happy with and with it an extra sandwich ingredient. I closed the sandwich and ate it on camera so Mistress could see. It wasn’t the best sandwich I have had but it was still better than the ache from my ruined balls. I message Mistress to confirm I have done my task and her reply was very amusing “Was it yummy?” I replied it was ‘umm not too bad’ Mistress added that she hoped it was suitably painful and degrading? I replied that indeed my balls ached and doing in front the camera wasn’t easy. I then had to joy of uploading the video to send to Mistress, this was the easy bit. The hardest bit was getting it to upload to dropbox so I could share it with Mistress. I had my camera set on the highest quality setting so the file was big and I am sure I could have edited it but being me I would have probably deleted it. So uploading took time and more time than I had been allocated by Mistress that day. I messaged Mistress to say it was still uploading when my pc time ran out and I would share it the next day.
Thursday morning arrives and my message to Mistress today to wish her a nice day and to inform her of my plans was responded too with a task. It was a nice easy task all I had to do was go for a walk for an hour. Anyone reading this (like me eventually) would think that isn’t a hard task. But not me to start with I went into ‘but Mistress it’s my week off I don’t want to go for a walk’ How fucking childish could I get! Mistress read my message and didn’t reply because frankly it wasn’t worth a reply. About 4 hours later just as I had stopped being a petulant child I was about to message Mistress that I was going for the walk (it had also just started to rain so this was my punishment for not going earlier) when Mistress messaged me to remind me that the walk will help with my weight loss and might also clear my cobwebs. I replied that I was just about to go and I was going to use the time to have a good think about my poor attitude. Off I head and where I live is quite hilly so it was a surprising how knackered I was from it and also how far you can walk in an hour. On my return I messaged Mistress a picture of my lunch and that I have been thinking about my very poor attitude recently and that yes I should be an exemplary pet. Mistress replied with “Good it’s about time”. I was also surprised to find that Mistress had allowed me access to her website. I went to my pc to read them on the big screen to find that when I went out for my walk I had 36 minutes of screen time left on my return I had 6! So I will be reading the blogs on my phone then. It is lucky that the pc screen time isn’t mirrored on my phone but I am sure Mistress will find something that does do that overtime. I really enjoyed reading all the blogs I had missed and especially Mistress’s introductions.
Friday morning arrived and I awoke to a message Mistress had sent me whilst I was asleep. The message told me that I was to eat my lunch off of the floor today. I messaged Mistress and informed her that I had my mate with me today so I couldn’t do it (this made me wince) of course any other day this week would have been no problem at all. I have no issue eating off of the floor but not in front of my mate. Mistress relied that she thought I was on holiday this week (I am self-employed I’m never really on holiday). I replied that I am and my mates visit was more sociable than work but no doubt some work would pass our way. Mistress didn’t reply to this but what she did was send me a much bigger message she blocked twitter on both my pc and phone and blocked solitaire on my pc. I messaged Mistress to tell her I wish I had taken a picture of my expression when I pressed the twitter button on my phone and the message ‘You will have to ask an adult if you can use twitter’ Mistress has also removed my access to her website again. I now sat there and thought to myself would it be really that bad to eat my lunch off of the floor in front of my mate? He does after all know about my adventures with Mistress and has seen various pictures and videos of me doing stupid stuff. When he arrived I showed him the screen message and told him of my task. He of course then spent the day taking the piss out of me. His regular line of the day was “Have you seen this on twitter?” or hashtag this or hashtag that usually followed by “I’m an adult I can look at twitter” or “I don’t really like twitter but I like it today” and so the day dragged on like that.
Saturday arrives and I sent my message to Mistress not expecting a reply and that was indeed the case. However, that was nothing compared to what would come a bit later. I made my lunch and took a picture and went to send it to Mistress via WhatsApp as usual and the “ask an adult if you can use WhatsApp” box appeared. This one got to me the most. Twitter and solitaire and to a degree my pc I can live without but I have customers who contact me via WhatsApp. I then panic and think how am I going to send the picture which of course is easy email it duh. I email the picture and press the delete button and then wonder why it didn’t send. I then send it again using the send button so much more useful. I get my first message from Mistress in over a day saying how pleased she is that her app blocking is working. The stakes were getting higher now but the problem with me is I am stubborn and I think to myself ok I can live without WhatsApp as well but oh how wrong I was because all my message with Mistress which I then use as my memory of the week I have no access too now. I have an hour allocated to me today and my journal needs to be in tomorrow and I have no idea how much if any time I have tomorrow so I must get as much done as possible. I begin to write my journal from memory and run out of pc time anyway. So I now have to message Mistress and humbly request access to WhatsApp. Mistress replies to remind her in the morning.
As you will probably guess from the above Mistress did grant me access but in the process truly reminded me of my place. Mistress also told me she has not been feeling well this week which is never good to hear especially as I have spent some of the week acting like an idiot. I always thought I was a good submissive but this week has taught me that I am currently lacking on a lot of fronts. My attitude recently has left a lot to be desired and I really need to up my game. As always watch this space.