Distance control journal week 46. Sailing close to the wind.
This week is going to be a short write up because I have spent the week keeping my head down after breaking the most fundamental rule of my D/s relationship with Mistress. I had an unauthorised orgasm. I am not in any way going to try and justify it but at least give you some background into why I did it.
After weeks of little sleep and the endless teasing by Mistress at 3am ish on Saturday 9th of July I had an orgasm. I still can only say it was a total lack of judgement and a weakness on my part. Every night for weeks I have been woken up by a night time erection and last Saturday my patience just snapped and I thought fuck it an orgasm might help me sleep. I realise now that this was utter stupidity on my part and I only had to explain to Mistress how I was feeling. Then she would have helped me either to get my control back or as it turned out was planning to allow me a treat once I was dressed the following day as SHB. As it has now turned out I am going to be punished (and rightly so) for my actions and in the process I annoyed Mistress no end and the message Mistress sent me on the Sunday following my confession says it all “What the actual fuck slave!” and then “You know I could make mincemeat out of you and expose you?” I have never in the past, present or future wished to annoy Mistress. I of course apologised to Mistress but frankly it was too late and it was Mistress’s good grace that I am not in a whole pile of shit right now.
The following day Monday I messaged Mistress not knowing what to expect and found Mistress in a slightly better mood and she explained to me that whilst my wellbeing is very important to her, my actions would bring with it punishment and what that would be she hadn’t decided. I replied that I fully understood and accept any punishment she deemed fit and that I realise that there is no point asking for her control and then doing what I just did. I then spent the afternoon dressed as SHB writing last week’s journal.
The rest of the week was spent waiting for what my punishment might be and keeping in touch with Mistress. Checking every day to see if I had been granted permission to visit any adult sites. On Friday an insight into my possible punishment appeared on my PC screen around mid-morning. It was a clip of a slave receiving a thigh and cock caning. I have had my thighs caned and it hurts. My message to Mistress when I saw it was simply “Eeeeeek” as always with Mistress you get nothing back so I don’t know if this is going to be my punishment of not. On the plus side Mistress looked fabulous in the clip in a shiny black latex dress!
On Friday evening I tried once again to see if I could visit Mistress’s website, all I wanted to do was to read Mistress’s introduction to my week 43 journal as this always gives me a little insight into what might be going through her mind (Mistress plays everything very close to her). To my surprise I could visit her website and read the introduction and also any other slaves journal I had missed (Slave Huw and his inflatable adventures are brilliant). I messaged Mistress to thank her for allowing me access to which I had only been granted so I could watch a public humiliation clip on Pornhub. Mistress told me it would be in my history and to watch that and only that. I duly did as instructed and whilst the clip itself wasn’t that good, the content made me feel very uneasy. It was an outdoor scene of a slave licking and then having to force the Mistress’s feet down his throat so he gagged on them and then lick them clean again. This I have to say made me feel quite queasy and I messaged Mistress to inform her I had watched it and the effect it had on me. Mistress just confirmed it was something we were going to do at some point in the future!!
The week ends with me messaging Mistress on the Saturday to find she is unwell which is never great to hear and I wish her a speedy recovery.
I would like to thank Mistress for her understanding this week and not pushing my self destruct button and also to Slave Taquin for messaging me about my stupidity. I have also enjoyed a week of excellent sleep. Mistress did comment that I can deal with the denial (I managed 6 months before) it’s all the teasing that gets me in a state.