Slave Sissy Mouse continues on his turbulent journey of inner turmoil but finishes his 51st week of distance control firmly reminded of his place, where he has come from and where he is now at in terms of our D/s relationship. As a professional dominatrix it is often the case that I know my pets better than they know themselves and my guidance and nurturing can bring great rewards to the slave. However, if I feel it is coming to a point that the relationship is no longer of benefit to me (i.e. it becomes stressful and not so fun) I will not hold back on expressing my opinions to my subs. By and large it is then down to them about how they address the issue. Fortunately for Sissy Mouse, he took my thoughts on board and has had (yet another) word with himself! I understand that everyone has ups and downs, it is how they deal with them that matters and it pleases me when my pets deal with things in the correct way. So my most devoted little bundle of bumbling turbulence is now on the right path and I’ve put him back on his exercise and weight loss regime. I have instructed him to cut back on fat and sugar intake and to go for walks each day. This is put in place for his own benefit. Walking is a great way to burn calories and excess fat but is also very therapeutic for cleansing and refreshing the mind. It is all too easy to get trapped in the chaos around us and to not be able to see the wood for the trees; a little walk gets us away from our daily concerns so that we can reach a level of clarity. Well done Sissy Mouse.
Distance control journal week 50
This week it has been a return to basics week. I realised that my core interests of bondage, pain, humiliation and degradation have been lost to me recently. When I mentioned this to Mistress she wasn’t surprised and informed me that she had been gently trying to guide me back this way. The trouble with me is I don’t do subtle, you need to put the message on the bottom of a frying pan and smack me around the face with it. I then get the message!
The other thing that has been revisited is my weight loss. After working very hard to lose weight over the last few months like everything else it has lapsed. This has not been lost on Mistress and she came up with a plan that for every pound I lose I get an orgasm. However, if I put on weight I will get a punishment this will run Sunday to Sunday from now on.
The rest of the week was fairly quiet with just the daily exchanging of messages.
Distance control journal week 51
This week starts with me weighing myself for my new enforced weight loss programme. 15st 11 if you are interested.
On Monday my message to Mistress was responded later in the day with a task to find somewhere humiliating and degrading to record myself edging. I thanked Mistress for the task and got my mind whirring. Around an hour later I started to feel very unwell. I’m not sure if it was my inability and stress at not being able to come up with a solution to my task but whatever it was it wasn’t pleasant.
Tuesday arrives and today I have to joy of a cp session with Mistress. As usual before my arrival I check if Mistress needs anything and my instructions where to find some weed killer and a suitable tool to dig out the weeds between the gaps of the patio slabs in the back garden of the HOD. I find what I need in my shed and prepare to have a slight relax before leaving for Newport when I get a knock at the door. I have an unexpected visitor who doesn’t seem to get the message that I am off out in a bit. So I am now leaving later than I want for my 12pm slot. Mistress messages that she requires some further items and I commit the ultimate sin in just replying ok and get in my car and go. Once I arrive at the Tesco around the corner from the HOD I read Mistress’s reply which is quite rightly “Umm I think that should be Yes Mistress!” I apologise and go and get the items Mistress requested.
I go through the door at around 12.10 so late again for the second time to be met by Mistress looking fabulous wearing hot pants and a bra top. Suitably dressed for a very hot day. I place the items in the kitchen and leave my session tribute on the kitchen worktop. Mistress immediately tells me to strip and to crawl to her with my tribute in my mouth. Mistress informs me I am to present her with my tribute like this in future. I then lay the money out on the floor so Mistress can check that all the notes are facing the same way. Mistress then offers me her boot to kiss and I spend a while doing so. Once I have worshipped Mistress’s boots enough I am told to crawl behind her up the stairs to the bathroom. Mistress informs me that this will now be my cage for the beginning of all our sessions and proceeds to attach a collar around my neck which is attached to cuffs, then places ankle cuffs on me and chains me to the toilet and sink. Mistress then informs me that she will be going on webcam for an hour because I have not been booking enough sessions so she will be using some of my time to earn more money. I am then left to contemplate my thoughts and to the torture of having to listen to Radio 1 in the garage across the road whilst they discuss cars with their customers (so much for escapism). After a while things start to get a bit dead and I move myself about as best I can to regain the circulation but with this I make a bit of noise and Mistress enters the room to check up on me. Once Mistress knows I am ok she leaves me to it a while later and suddenly everything starts to go dead and I try and shuffle about to get the circulation going and with that Mistress comes back in and asks what all the shuffling is all about? I explain that all my joints are starting to ache and go dead to which Mistress replies that I am lucky that my time is up. Mistress unties me and allows me to stand.
Mistress then informs me to follow her for the next part of my session which is to weed the patio because Mistress R’eal wants to use it tomorrow and the weeds are appalling. Mistress finds me a suitable stupid pair of pants to wear and instructs me to set a chair and table out for her to supervise my work and enjoy some lunch. I then crack on with weeding. Mistress has informed me before I start to count how many weeds I have pulled out (which of course because we are chatting about this and that whilst I work I completely forget). Mistress also is kind enough to make a video of her looking fabulous and me looking stupid weeding and posted it on twitter! Mistress was kind enough to offer me a mat for my knees but I said I would suffer as this was a part of my punishment for my unauthorised orgasm back in July. Once the job was finished and I checked to make sure no weeds remain however small, I had amassed a very large bag of weeds too which I got the killer question “So mousey how many weeds?” I looked at Mistress then the bag and gingerly replied 7 Mistress. The look from Mistress said it all “ok so that’s 7 multiplied by 10 that makes 70 strokes of the cane cold” this made me gulp. I have never taken a cold caning before and this made me very nervous to say the least.
I follow Mistress inside and pull out the whipping bench. Mistress tells me that she isn’t going to strap me down this time. I am just going to bend over the bench and take what I am given. Mistress also reminds me that if I lose count she will start again from the beginning. As always I start to babble on at Mistress to try and delay things and as always Mistress sees straight through this and gets under way. The first stroke of the cane was horrible until we got to 8 and Mistress took a picture of her handy work, 8 perfect lines. Mistress then continues and I manage to relax into it but also don’t give out the number very loudly for Mistress to hear and I am given an extra 5 strokes. All this whilst Mistress is being her usual Whitty self and making me laugh and trying to put me off my count. We finally reach 75 and Mistress is very pleased that I took them so well and then announces that I am to take another 70 of the thin stingy cane for her amusement in batches of 10. Mistress gets to 40 and starts talking about something and I almost lose count when she asks me before restarting how many it was. Finally, all 70 are delivered and I have to say I felt very pleased with myself that I could take that many from cold. This is also the most of the cane I have ever taken.
After a while I manage to regain my senses and get up and join Mistress for a drink and a sit down (slightly painful). We have a chat about this and that and then it’s time to return to the real world.
On Wednesday Mistress enquires about my mood after our session and whilst I am not suffering from subdrop I don’t feel that sunny. I also have a horrible day of work. Mistress also informs me of a new ongoing task. I am now to make my lunch every day and send Mistress a picture. Failure to do so will have consequences because Mistress is now taking a much harder line with me. As you have all read over the last few months I have had more ups and downs than a roller coaster or as Mistress put it a sissy sluts knickers! Mistress has now told me she is no longer going to tolerate such behaviour full stop.
Thursday and Friday were quiet apart from me sending my now required picture of my lunch. However, on Saturday Mistress sent me a message that made me wince slightly. Mistress informed me that I was only allowed 1 roast potato with my Sunday lunch the following day. Mistress also informed me that she loved roast potatoes so she was enjoying the sadistic nature of the task.
What has dawned on me as I head towards the completion of the year is that Mistress’s distance control has also been about behaviour modification. I wear thongs and use female deodorant every day. For most of the year I kept to a diet and lost weight. Every day I message Mistress and every day I check my phone about 200 times for any replies or tasks. I now have limited pc and phone access. I struggle with all this quite a lot sometimes. Even today my mind went blank and I couldn’t think what to write and kept thinking for a few hours maybe this isn’t for me anymore. Maybe I am not the submissive I thought I was. The reality is I was having a moment of struggle, trying to break the bonds that tie me to Mistress. Would Mistress release me if I said “Mistress this isn’t for me anymore” I already know the answer NO because within days maybe even hours I would regret it and Mistress knows this. I just have to fight the evil twin that sits within me and puts me in a dark place sometimes.