For those of you who read my weekly blog purely for the thrill of hearing of how Miss Deelight teases and torments me on a daily basis (and there is nothing wrong with that!) then I am afraid that this weeks blog might not be for you. If however you would like to hear of the true ups and downs of becoming a slave then please read on. When I first agreed to write this blog I vowed to myself that it would be an honest reflection on the life of a Slave of Miss Deelight. The only omissions that I make are those that are necessary to preserve identities or confidences. Like most of us I find myself being less open in my normal vanilla life. In my vanilla world I will sometimes tell a white lie, put on a brave face or hide my true emotions. In my anonymous Slave life I can in many ways be more open and forthcoming. So here goes. Much of this week was really disappointing!
It started well. No longer was I forbidden to touch myself for pleasure. Instead the day commenced with permission to have a nice stroke. Then I received the instruction that I was to edge myself 3 times throughout the day. Having had almost a week of total abstinence this was good news indeed, although I knew it would not be easy. To stop at the very moment where just a couple more strokes would take you over the edge is so difficult. (I have not yet forgotten how Mistress punished me the one time I went too far)! After edging just once it was as if Mistress had lit the blue touch paper and stepped back to watch the result. I find it difficult to describe the feeling that I experience when being teased and denied by Mistress. The best I can do is to say that it is like an intense tingling in my genitals that just wont go away. It doesn’t matter whether or not I have a hard on, it is relentless. It feels as if there is a pressure building and building until it fills my every waking moment. It is wonderful and torturous in equal measure. This is how I was now feeling on day one of this new week.The effect of edging, combined with the fabulous picture that Mistress posted at the beginning of my week 11 blog, meant that I knew that I was in for a difficult week.
Monday morning arrived and I sent my morning text to Mistress, taking the time to tell her of the wonderful torment she had inflicted on me the day before. Unfortunately as the day developed I began to realise that ‘real life’ was about to get in the way of my distance control relationship with Mistress. It became clear that, for the next few weeks, I would not be able to text Mistress on the daily basis that our agreement required. I began to exchange texts with Mistress to discuss the implications. By the end of the day we had concluded that the fitting of my chastity device would have to wait. (Mistress explained to me the importance of being able to communicate with her, every day if necessary, in order that she could help me through any difficult times). I am aware that what I am about to tell you is pathetic in the context of important stuff in life like health or family. Therefore please accept it in the context of my Slave life as an honest account of my feelings that Monday.
The realisation that I was not going to be made to wear a chastity device in the next few weeks came as a huge disappointment to me. I felt really, really upset. This was no ones fault. It was just one of those things. So why was it upsetting me as it was? I think that it was because, agreeing to be locked up was such a big step for me. I had made that commitment to this part of my new life at the end of December. Since then I had been on 24 hrs notice of a meeting to fit the device (and had even endured looking forward to a meeting, that Mistress canceled at the last minute in order to torment me further). It had therefore filled my daily thoughts, and fantasies, for the last month. Each week when I wrote this blog I would think ‘I will be writing about being locked up next week’. Knowing now that it was not going to happen for several weeks created a hollow feeling that would not go away. All of my pent up desire left me and I felt totally deflated. This is what it feels like to become a Slave. It is not just about the fabulous highs of sexual torment and control by a wonderful Mistress. It is also about how it takes over your mind and body. Inevitably there will be lows as well as highs and when they happen they feel really extreme.
And so, how did Mistress react as I descended into my pit of disappointment and self pity? Whilst I suspect that she knew that I was feeling pretty low she was unwavering in her approach. I received a text towards the end of the day telling me to phone her. I thought that maybe she wanted to console me in my time of disappointment. Hell no. I was instructed to go to bed that night thinking of Mistress locking me up and picturing her as she appeared in the photo’s at the start of my last two blogs. I was to stroke myself to climax, and then ruin it! I of course followed her instructions to the letter. And how it hurt. I guess this proved a point to me. Mistress does not need me locked in a Chastity device to own and control my cock. It is hers to do with as she wishes and my sexual pleasure or discomfort is out of my control. It took another couple of days for my enthusiasm to return fully. The consistent and uncompromising approach from Mistress has got me through what has been a tough week. I am not for a moment suggesting that Mistress is insensitive to the feelings of her Slaves. I just suspect that she realised that one of us needed to be ‘grown up’ about it. Mistress continues to tease and torment me on a daily basis.This week has just been another step on my journey.
And then… just as I thought another week was complete ‘real life’ has taken another unexpected turn. It looks like I will be able to keep in touch with Mistress on a daily basis after all. What will Mistress say now? Maybe by the time I write this blog next week I will be locked in Chastity? My huge disappointment has been instantly replaced with excitement and fear! Life as a Slave is indeed a roller coaster of emotions.