Poor Slave Taquin had his heart ripped out this week in what was a very skilfully delivered act of genius on my part; a true forced orgasm. Someone on twitter asked me how any orgasm could possibly be bad; you’re about to find out…..
I started the week with something of an epiphany! Up until the point when Mistress took control of my orgasms I had thought that my degree of hornyness and general desperation to cum was largely driven by the length of time that I had been without release. Indeed when I commenced this distance control contract with her I had gone as far as to believe that, it was likely that the more often that she took me through the cycle of tease, denial and suffering followed eventually by the opportunity to cum, I would in some way become accustomed to it. The belief being therefore that I would need to be denied for longer each time for it to have the same effect. This has proved in practice to be total bollocks! The reality has been that Mistress has managed to get me in a total mess earlier and earlier in each cycle. I am writing this on day 4 of my current period of denial by Mistress. All it took today was for Mistress to send me one brief text enjoying my predicament and teasing me about the future, and as a result I feel quite desperate. I am not even sure what I am desperate for? I know that an orgasm would feel fantastic at the moment and it would certainly relieve the pressure building up in my balls, but at the same time I yearn to be put into the chastity device that Mistress has for me in order that she can torment me to new levels of desperation. So what is the promised epiphany? It is simply this. The better that Mistress gets to know me, the easier it is for her to drive me nuts, and the sooner it is in each cycle that the red mist of desperation descends. I am contracted to Mistress for a further 4 and a half months. I hate to think what she will be able to do to me by then.
As each day went by I was either instructed to stroke, edge or abstain from touching altogether. Mistress would also tease me in her daily texts with what it would feel like to be in Chastity and with the promise that it was going to happen very soon. The days went by and Mistress filled my thoughts. I felt increasingly excited but also scared. The fear in this situation is a positive reminder of the situation I find myself in. It is driven by the genuine discomfort in the fact that all of the power in this relationship sits with Mistress. I have never been in such a relationship before whether that be personal or work related. Even at work I had some ‘power’ over my boss. With Mistress I have to accept being totally powerless. I knew that being put into a chastity device would make this absolute.
Finally the day arrived. I sent my morning text to Mistress confirming that I was looking forward to our session and she replied confirming details. The die was cast. I really was going to go through with it. The day was spent in much the same way as those previously, trying to get on with earning a living whilst sneaking the occasional look at a picture, text or Vine clip of Mistress and dreaming of what was to come. As the day progressed my excitement and trepidation grew. At this point I should mention a daily occurrence that I have to deal with. Each day I battle with myself not to trouble Mistress with unnecessary texts. Sometimes I manage to go a whole day with only texting first thing in the morning and sometimes I just have to give in, either to tell her how I feel or with the need to hear from her just one more time. Well as the day of my session progressed I found that I had to send just one more text before getting ready to depart for our session. It was a short text telling Mistress that I felt that the clock that I had been watching all day was turning much more slowly than normal. I sent the text and awaited a response. Several minutes later my phone ‘dinged’ to tell me that Mistress had responded. I picked it up and eagerly went to the messages to see what she had said. I stood shocked and horrified as I read….
‘I have changed my mind Slave. I have decided that I don’t want to lock you up today. Instead I want you to go to the bathroom and masturbate and orgasm at the time that we were meant to be meeting. That is all’.
With my mind in turmoil I read and re-read the text from Mistress. I know that any instruction from Mistress is normally final. But was I being tested or teased today? I sent a text telling Mistress how much I wanted to see her today and how I really, really was ready to be locked in a chastity device. She sent me a You Tube clip of a bleating lamb! I told her that I had enjoyed the clip but hoped that our session would progress as previously planned. She told me to refer to the earlier text that told me that it wasn’t going to happen. This exchange continued briefly. My pleading was to no avail. Mistress was absolutely serious. The session was off. So dear reader, how did I feel at this point? In truth many of my emotions could be compared to a 10 year old having a long awaited trip to the theme park cancelled at the last-minute! I was devastated, very upset, and in some ways angry (I had after all told a work colleague that I did not need him to work with me that day and provided myself with a cover story for my absence for those that needed to be told). I did also consider the possibility that something had happened to Mistress during the day and that the session cancellation was a ‘cover’ for her misfortune. As the afternoon progressed and the time for my masturbation neared my disappointment grew. I had believed that this day was the one where Mistress was going to make my denial complete with the application of the device. Instead I was not going to be with her and worse still I was to release the tension in my balls by having an orgasm!
I am ultimately a well-behaved Slave. I have agreed that I will do whatever I am told. Therefore when the time of our cancelled session arrived I went to the bathroom to masturbate as instructed. After several minutes of trying it became obvious that all attempts to cum were proving futile. My mind was totally enveloped in the disappointment of the day. I stopped trying further and sent Mistress a text telling her of my failure. Within my text I did ask why she was doing this to me today. Was she OK? Was I being punished? Or was she just being terribly mischievous? The response received was stern and unequivocal. She was not pleased that I had failed the task and was to go a complete it, and NOW. I returned to the bathroom with Mistresses displeasure fresh in my mind and wanked. It was not easy, it was not particularly pleasurable but eventually I had the required orgasm. I sent Mistress my text informing her that I had completed the task. She asked how I felt and I replied honestly that I felt deflated and disappointed. Her response was clear. In summary it said that she had wanted to make me endure a forced orgasm (where every part of my mind and body did not want to cum, but where I had to anyway). She informed me that she knows how to control my cock. How to make it tick and how to make it, and me, suffer. She would at all times decide what was best for me. Pleading and begging just prolongs my suffering. I am helpless.
As I woke the following morning I was reminded of the epiphany referred to at the beginning of this blog. Despite all that had happened the day before I had woken early, hard and horny. I did not realise in the moment that I sent my morning text to Mistress that I would, by the end of the day, be so desperate once again. The task that I was set for the day was new to me. I was to tie my cock and balls for the whole day but it was to be on the basis that they would be tied for one hour and released for one hour. Each time I released myself I was to stroke my cock for 1 minute. (I was soon to realise that each time I released myself I would instantly become hard and that a minute of stroking would be sufficient to take me close to the edge). This meant therefore that there were 7 times that I tied my cock and balls, 7 times that I released myself and 7 times that I stroked myself for one minute. 21 occasions to be forced to remember yesterday, 21 occasions to be taken close to the edge, 21 occasions be reminded of the total control that Mistress now has over me.
The roller coaster of emotion that Mistress is taking me on continues and I have no idea of what twist or turn awaits me. Whatever happens I know that my cock (and therefore much of my being) is being controlled by a wonderful, but totally uncompromising Mistress. As she has become tougher with me I have had to accept my true position in this relationship. This is the first genuine Dom / Sub relationship that I have experienced and it is one that I am learning to accept and embrace. I have sent my morning text and await my instructions.
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