I find it amusing when a slave tries to be funny. I find it even more amusing when I already have plans in store for that slave and have the added ability to physically watch over his reactions as I instill fear and adrenaline into him. The poor little sausage that is slave Taquin, so often the guinea pig for my experimentation, felt every single emotion I wanted him to feel during the week the following report was written!
Sunday was a difficult day. So difficult in fact that I don’t want to dwell on it too much here. You will have seen already the cause of my distress. It was the blog that I wrote last week concerning my last session (the shopping trip). In hindsight it was a misjudgment on my part to write it as I did. I was trying to be amusing in the way that I told the tale but all I achieved was to make Mistress angry and upset at me. This became very clear to me soon after I had sent her the blog. I have been exchanging texts with Mistress each day, and normally several times a day, for nearly 3 years now. As Mistress knows me to the depths of my fetish soul I too know her pretty well now. She was very angry with me. There was a tone to her texts that I don’t think I had ever experienced before. This actually came as a huge shock to me. I had hoped that I had told the story in a fun way. But in hindsight I realised that I had gone too far. I had not been respectful of Mistress.
I have to say that I was quite distraught. I get great pleasure from pleasing Mistress. To know that I had upset her was just awful. Yes my fetish world went black, as Mistress disabled every app on my phone apart from messaging, but I didn’t care about that. It was my relationship with Mistress that I cared about. After about 3 hours I sent Mistress a text. It was a ‘heart on my sleeve’ moment. I wanted her to know how terrible I felt for the way that I had made her feel. We exchanged texts for a short while and then she replied to say that she was ‘a natural sadist who likes to have a good reason to punish me’. This was a small ray of sunshine as far as I was concerned. Our conversation was moving away from the emotional responses that I had caused back towards a fetish relationship. Later in the day she sent me a screen shot of the Twitter questionnaire that she had posted asking her audience how long that I should remain in fetish exile. The response had been to recommend the longest ‘sentence’ of 2 weeks. It’s good to know that Mistresses followers enjoy my punishment and pain as much as Mistress does! (and thank you to those kind souls who voted for a shorter sentence).
And while all of this was going on I had followed up on two outstanding actions that I had to complete. I had fitted and commissioned the security cameras in my workshops and started to wear ‘The Vice’ chastity device. I say started to wear as it has a multitude of possible sizes as far as ring size, gap between ring and cage and anti pullout sizes to chose from.
On Monday I awoke to find my fetish access restored (although with strict time limits applied). In her morning text Mistress informed me that she required ‘private’ access to my phone. I was to leave it in the workshop whilst I took the dog for her morning work. Mistress can take over my phone using TeamViewer at any time. I could not help but wonder why she wanted it today. I did as instructed and placed the phone on my work bench. As I did so I couldn’t help but wonder if Mistress was watching me through the security cameras. I guess I will always have that question in my mind from now on. I took the dog for her walk wondering all the while what was being done to my phone in my absence. 30 minutes later I returned to the workshop and picked up my phone. I opened it up to find that it was a screen that I didn’t recognise. I assumed that Mistress had completed her changes and that I just needed to return it to the home screen. As my finger moved towards the screen to do so I heard Mistress say in stern and commanding manner ‘leave the phone alone slave. I haven’t finished yet’. I put it back down on the bench as if it had suddenly become red hot. Shit! And I nearly did! It was only then that it first dawned on me what I had let myself in for having cameras in my workshop. In the past when Mistress has snooped on me through my pc camera it has been quite different. This is because I always experienced an anxiety that someone might come into the workshop whilst it was happening and therefore I always had an eye on the door ready to tell Mistress if someone approached. Mistress was herself very respectful of this risk also. But now it is completely different. Mistress knows better than I do whether or not I am alone in the workshop and, as one of the cameras points directly at the entrance door which has a glass panel in it, whether someone approaches it. She is now totally in control of what she might require of me whilst I am alone in my workshop. It is a whole new level of vulnerability.
It wasn’t until sometime later that I dared to pick the phone up again. This time it had been returned to the home screen. I searched and I flicked, I scrolled and I clicked, but could still not find what had been worth Mistress spending over an hour of her valuable time doing. Time will tell I am sure.
This week is the when Mistress went away on holiday. It will be over a week until she returns to her slaves. Her intention is to leave her ‘fetish phone’ at home. I think that that is absolutely the right thing for her to do and hope that she has a fabulous and relaxing time. But I will miss her terribly.
Mistress has given me two instructions for whilst she is away:
1) Remain locked in chastity for the duration (unless I risk causing physical harm to myself)
2) Keep a note of feelings and thoughts whilst Mistress is away. (This blog is going to do precisely that.)
Thursday – This will be the first day in years where I have not exchanged texts with Mistress. I am missing her already! I awoke to find that she had left a lovely ‘thank you’ note on Twitter for me for the money that I had sent her for a nice meal whilst she was away. That was nice. I have had to remove the new chastity device (The Vice) because it was causing some chafing around the area of the back ring hinge. I think that this was largely due to me trying to cope with a ring that was too small for me. It has allowed the demons to start talking to me however. They are whispering two things in my ear currently. Firstly…. ‘go and have a wank. No one will ever know.’ And secondly ‘leave the device off until the day of Mistresses return. Why suffer the discomfort whilst she is away’. I hate this. I don’t like having to cope with such temptations on my own. And so I have a plan. As soon as my soreness has gone I will lock myself up again with a numbered lock and whatsapp a picture to Mistresses fetish phone. She won’t see it until her return, but once I have sent it I will be committed to the cage.
And then my lock up plan went wrong. I saw a post in the slave group Facebook page from Mistress that was posted by her whilst on holiday. It seemed that she had taken the fetish phone with her after all. Part of me was glad (as it made it seem that she wasn’t quite as far away) and part of me was disappointed (as I think having a total break from slaves like me was a good idea). It also left me with a dilemma as far as what to do with a lock up picture. I certainly wasn’t going to send such a thing to her whilst she was on Holiday. Later that day as I locked up once again (this time with a slightly larger ring) I considered what I should do. I find being locked without having sent Mistress proof a pointless exercise. I could remove the device at any time and no one would ever know. I don’t want to be responsible for my own good behaviour. In all honesty I am not sure that I can be trusted! The moment that the picture of the device, properly secured by a numbered lock, is sent everything changes. I am then under the control of my Mistress, and I feel totally different.
It was at this point that an alternative plan came to mind. I sent a WhatsApp to my vanilla lady friend and asked if she would mind if I sent her the picture instead. I certainly wasn’t asking her to replace Mistress in any way (I felt that would be asking far too much) but I suggested that she should wait until the following Thurs before sending Mistress the lock up picture or just the lock number. I knew that by doing this I would be committing myself without bothering Mistress whilst on holiday. I should say here that my VLF is just that, a very good friend who enjoys hearing about my servitude to Mistress. Whilst I have always known that she would make a wonderful domme, I am not sure that she would ever fully step over that line into the full time world of Mistress. But she gets it. She has read most of my blogs and knows all about the fetish life that I lead. I did worry however that I might be asking too much of our friendship. A little while later I received a very clear and unequivocal reply. It came as the first of a short series of messages in fact. The gist was something like this:
‘Don’t you dare send any such photo to Mistress whilst she is on holiday’
‘send me your lock up picture immediately’
Which I then did….
‘also send me proof that you cannot escape from the device’
Which I then did….
‘what lovely clean shaven balls you have’
‘you will be severely punished if you release yourself whilst Mistress is away’
‘Mistress would torture your balls’
‘you’d better stay well and truly locked then…….’
As you will gather from the above, I got far more than I had bargained for! I seemed that my VLF was enjoying the task that I had asked of her. I am so lucky to have her as a friend. It will come as no surprise to anyone reading this that it actually made me as horny as hell! I knew at that point that I was trapped and sexually controlled once again. And although my VLF was playing a pivotal role in this we both understood that all she was doing was ensuring that I stayed under the direct control of Mistress in her absence. I knew that anything that now happened during Mistresses absence would be reported to her.
I went to bed that night wearing The Vice. I was a little doubtful if I would survive the whole night in it (I hadn’t done so up until now) but was hopeful that the slightly larger back ring would make it possible. As it turned out I coped without difficulty until 2am. I woke to find Mistresses property throbbing inside its plastic cage. But it was more than that. The point of difference of The Vice is that it has an additional element that locks around the cage that pushes two plastic sections into the base of Mistresses property to prevent any opportunity of escape (pull out). As Mistresses property throbbed I could feel these two sections applying pressure also. I got up and headed for the bathroom. I knew that I needed a pee and I also knew from past experience that this would result in a less intense attempt at an erection. I sat down on the toilet, as any good slave in chastity has to do, and tried to pee. Nothing! The combination of a raging hardon, the cage and the anti pullout sections had made it impossible. But I really did need to go. And this is where the commitment of having sent pictures to my VLF made all the difference. If I hadn’t of done this I would have removed the device and concluded that I was unable to cope with it. I couldn’t imagine trying to explain all of this to my VLF and I was afraid that she would be disappointed in me (and would report my failure to Mistress). And so I persevered. In the end I ran my privates under the cold tap for a while and successfully emptied my bladder. I returned to bed quite pleased with myself but a little scared. Mistress had told me before she left how much she liked that this device was so restrictive. I know that she would never allow me to wear a device that damaged me but that she would enjoy the fact that I had one that would keep me awake during the early hours whilst thinking of her. And it did. Despite having a pee Mistresses property throbbed in its cage until I got up at 5.30 to write this. It is now Friday morning as I write the story of my first night without Mistress. Thankfully with the kind support of my VLF she doesn’t seem so far away after all.
Now I must email Mousey. She suggested morning emails to each other as a means of mutual support in Mistresses absence. A great idea.
Later on Friday I received a short email from Princess. An injury that she had picked up some time ago had now healed and she was excited to report that she was able to wrestle again. I know from previous communications how much she enjoys that and so I am really pleased for her. I am sure that one day I will return to the mats with her (if Mistress allows it) I am just not sure how I can incorporate it into my fetish life successfully. Maybe just a ‘standalone’ bout at some point. Just for the fun of it.
And then I discovered that I had free access to the internet and its entire fetish wonders. Thank you Mistress!
Saturday morning – another tormented night in The Vice. Most of that torment is of the positive kind that Mistress would approve of whole heartedly but the soreness caused by the hinge of the back ring isn’t improving (nothing too drastic, but past experience tells me I should do something about it today). I think I will follow the advice of Mistress and put a latex sleeve over it. This of course means unlocking and locking once again. If Mistress were here I would always ask her permission first. I don’t feel that I should go through that process with my VLF. She is not my Mistress after all and I don’t want to put her in the position of needing to make the chastity decisions that Mistress has so much experience with. But my VLF has taken up the role of record keeping and monitoring, and I know that she takes that seriously. I have decided therefore to video the process of unlock, apply sleeve, lock in order that my VLF can confirm to Mistress that I did not abuse my freedom. Hopefully that will not put any burden on her and allow her to confirm my chastity to Mistress throughout her absence.
The video of my chastity device alterations will make very amusing viewing should either my VLF or Mistress ever watch it. My attempts to make changes to The Vice before refitting it failed. In the end I had to turn my back to the camera, waddle over to my device store with my pants and shorts around my ankles to retrieve my trusty metal device, before waddling back in front of the camera and putting it on and clicking shut a numbered lock. At least the video does achieve its primary function of ensuring that I have never had a chance to listen to the wanking Demon sitting on my shoulder whilst unlocked!
My week finished with me feeling soppy about my Mistress despite the fact that she was so far away. I awoke this morning (Sunday) to find that Mistress had sent me a picture of her wearing the white shoes and holding the white bag that I had bought for her. That was so kind of her to send it to me. It is the little things like this that make Mistress so special. She is such a thoughtful Mistress.
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