My distance control pets, especially the long term ones can sometimes be misled into thinking that I am soft on them at times. With the long term pets, it is all about building upon the D/s relationship and when they have down days (a natural part of submission, as they crave my attention so bad and can’t always have it) it is then my duty to nurture them until they have been lulled into a false sense of security before I strike hard! Taquin has had an easy couple of weeks because of his health issues but the second I knew he was feeling better, I decided it was no more nicey nicey. It is time to deliver the full and uncompromising power of my control.. not just for Taquin but for all my pets.
Please forgive me if this weeks blog appears rushed. Mistress has allowed me back onto my PC for 1hr to write it before she locks me out from my PC once again. I had written some of it before Mistress isolated me totally earlier in the week. I will try to finish it now before my time runs out…
This week Mistress has taken me right back to square one. It is a frightening, but oh so exciting, place to be. I have been reminded of the time when I first started as the slave of Miss Deelight. I remember those first nervous communications wondering if I had said too much. Wondering if I was allowing myself to become ensnared by someone who was more dangerous than she first appeared. I remember Mistress doing things that were totally unexpected. I remember feeling vulnerable, out of control and questioning my own sanity. I certainly didn’t know Mistress well enough to trust her as I do now. Trust in your Domme is essential, but with it comes the risk of feeling safe. I don’t want to feel safe. Not knowing how far someone will go to bring you to your knees brings with it a danger and the gut wrenching excitement of the unknown. This week Mistress had made me feel nervous and vulnerable again. I don’t mean that I have lost my trust in Mistress, far from it. It is just that she has taken that comfort away from me and made me scared of what she might do next. It has been as if I have been walking along a jungle path knowing that there is a tigress hidden somewhere in the undergrowth. I know that she is watching me always but have no way of knowing where she is, when she might pounce and what she might do to me when she does.
Sunday started as many have before. I had submitted my blog and Mistress responded that she wanted to have a chat with me about what had been going on in my vanilla life via TeamViewer. Whilst I try not to burden Mistress with the ups and downs of life that we all experience I was pleased that we might get the opportunity to catch up. Unfortunately the opportunity never arose and apart from an exchange of texts about me buying Mistress a sunlounger I had a particularly vanilla day.
On Monday Mistress set me a task that will continue to haunt me for some time I am sure. I was to insert my butt plug and then to take no more than 30 minutes to write a letter to Mistress. It was to say why I missed her, what I missed and what I wished was happening. Very much as I am doing now, the fact that I had to rush prevented me from giving due care and attention to what I said. I came up with a list of things that I wished were happening to me. They had a theme of me wishing stricter and more intense control.
Not surprisingly therefore Tuesday was a challenging day for me. Firstly I was instructed to insert my butt plug, tie my balls and cock and then take the dog for a walk. I was to send proof. And so there I was in the pouring rain hidden in some bushes with a very confused dog looking up at me whilst I tried to take a picture that contained butt plug and genital bindings in one shot.
I returned home and sent the picture to Mistress. I told her that I had to go out now. Instantly she asked ”why? I felt my ball sac contract. Mistress never normally demands to know what I am doing. I explained I was going to see a customer to measure up for a job. Mistress asked if it would be a good earner for me. I said that it will help me to pay her. She said that this was good. As I was driving back with a colleague in the car with me Mistress set off the ‘find my phone’ alarm on my I phone. It is so loud and cant be switched off by moving the little switch on the side. My colleague said. What the ‘….’ is that. I tried to bluff that it was an alarm I had mistakenly set. I don’t think he believed me, but then he could never guess what it really was! When I got back to the workshop I saw that Mistress had sent me a map that showed where she was, and how little time that it would take her to get to me. It sent a shiver down my spine.
Having got back to the workshop my colleague went home and I got on with my aftenoons work. After about 30 minutes I noticed that my PC screen was blacked out but…. the blue camera light was on. Mistress was watching me! As soon as she saw me turn I heard the sound of a whip crack, really loudly! Mistress had turned the volume up to full. Next she played a piece of classical music that I had very happy memories of from when Mistress had brought to orgasm to it at a previous session. But just as I was enjoying it the music changed to that horrible Alex F, manic frog or whatever it was called, d it was so so loud. What if someone came in? They would know it was something I would never play. I tried to turn the volume down on my keyboard but Mistress had frozen me out from the controls. I thought about turning the pc off altogether, but realised that this would lead to huge and unbearable punishment. And then something terrible happened. Mistress told me to dance. I said I couldn’t dance. Mistress told me that she would just play it on repeat until I did. And so I danced. I HATE DANCING. Mistress told me to wave my arms in the air, like I didn’t care. And so I did. It was so humiliating for me. Mistress had used technology to totally dominate me. I was dribbling with excitement and shaking with fear. Then she got Sissy Mouse to text me and ask me what I had been made to do. And so we exchanged a couple of messages on the subject.
On Wednesday I was required to edge 4 times.
And then on Thursday Mistress made me lock myself up once again. I did as I was instructed and sent Mistress a photograph of the plastic lock and device securely in place. The picture never got through to her for some reason and ten minutes later Mistress demanded proof. I sent another picture and my fate was sealed. It all went quiet until 4pm that afternoon. I received a text that read ‘Mistress could chose to ignore you for days, weeks.’ Mistress had never threatened, or actually ignored me before. The fact that she had only just locked me up and was now threatening to do this sounded both premeditated, manipulative and heartless. Mistresses property strained against its bars. I was truly fucked this time!
On Friday I woke (an interesting word to use when you are not really sure if you have been to sleep) to find that my phone was back to its normal level of restrictions, but that I was unable to access the internet. I began to suspect that I was being isolated from everything that is important in my fetish world. I sent Mistress my morning text wondering whether or not I was going to receive a reply. No response. I went out and looked at my pc in my workshop. If I was locked out from that as well. Now I knew that I really was in deep trouble.
And so that is how things are now. Locked up. Mistress is ignoring me. I haven’t a clue what is going on. I haven’t seen any notifications on my phone. I can’t access twitter, the internet or my PC and my hour is nearly up. I need to send this now. Goodbye