This week Slave Taquin, my needy slave just like the others, was left to learn that he will be utterly needy (and paranoid) exactly when I want him to be….
Sunday to Friday
This week has been unusual and in many ways uncomfortable. I am sitting here writing this blog still unsure about how I feel about it. My confusion is down to the fact that I have had virtually no stimulus until yesterday. For most of it I have been without the internet, twitter, videos and most importantly Mistress! It is not that Mistress hasn’t been there. She has. It is just that she seems to have deliberately left me in this fetish wilderness. The most exciting communication that I had received from her up until Saturday had been a response to a text that I sent her telling her that I was desperate for just a little attention. She sent me two winking emoticons blowing kisses that got me dribbling away for a couple of hours. How easy I am to torment! The other important omission from my fetish world is the fact that I have not been made to wear my chastity device.
I want to try to explain how I feel as a result, and so here goes. There has been a big void in my day to day existence. I do love the fact that Mistress is confident enough in her own power over me that she can put me through this. She continues to prove that she is genuinely in control of my fetish world and that I have to accept what she knows is best for me. This fact alone has kept me feeling gently horny all week. But apart from that, and the emoticon occasion, I have not been stimulated. And how I miss it! Even when Mistress allowed me back onto the internet on my phone on Thursday I didn’t get horny. If anything it was worse. Mistress had released her grip on me and allowed me access to my e mails and the internet (xhamster, fetlife etc – but not twitter yet). The thing that was still missing was any attention from her. The truth is that Mistress is my fetish world now. It is her control of what I can or cannot see and of what I can and cannot do that is important to me. Nothing else. Looking at fetish videos or stories without it being part of what Mistress requires me to do is now a rather hollow experience.
And so this is the bottom line. I need Mistress. I need her controlling, teasing, tormenting, demanding, frightening, soothing, guiding presence.
For the record I have produced a short summary of Monday to Friday below:
Sunday – My phone and PC had been locked down since Friday. I requested PC access to write my blog and was allowed a total of 3hrs to do so. It still felt like a rush!
Monday – We rearranged the date of my next session.
Tuesday – I told Mistress that I was missing Twitter and her website. Her response was that she was ‘sure that you are missing it’ and asked if I was being more productive! I confessed that I was but that I could happily cope with my fetish and vanilla worlds in parallel. It all went quiet again. Later in the day Mistress asked ‘how her hopeless, devoted pet was today’. She signed her text ‘Mistress’. Wonderful. I told her that I was feeling desperate for just a little of her attention. There was no point in lying. It was now 5 days since my fetish world went dark. How I missed the excitement and stimulation. It’s not always easy being a slave! Mistress sent me two winking emoticons blowing kisses. That’s all it took to get me dribbling away for the next 2 hours!
Wednesday – Mistress told me that I had missed a 30 minute window of opportunity to access my PC the previous day – and then I had to go out for the day. No further contact
Thurs – A text from Mistress saying ‘Welcome back’. I discovered that she had released most restrictions on my phone but my PC was still locked down.
Fri – Mistress just said ‘Good morning’.
And so that was Sunday to Friday. On Saturday Mistress treated me to some attention. I say ‘treated’ because that is how it feels now. A little attention is a real gift from Mistress. I am so grateful!
Firstly I received a text from Mistress telling me that she had unlocked my PC for me. She taunted me with the fact that she knew that I had a really busy day ahead of me preparing for a party that evening and that I probably wouldn’t have time to enjoy it. Of course I had to go and look at it as soon as I could. Twitter was the thing I looked forward to seeing the most. I hadn’t been able to access it through phone or PC for over a week now. I went into the workshop and signed onto the PC. The front screen opened up as it should (For the last week it had just told me that ‘my time was up’ and that ‘I should ask an adult in my family for more time’). I opened up edge and went straight to Twitter.com. It was locked! I sent Mistress a text and requested access. Straight away I received a text from her teasing me for how quickly I had rushed outside to look at my PC. Mistress never did let me onto Twitter.
And then Mistress started to tease me by telling me that she was in my area that evening and that she was planning to turn up at my party. Apparently she was going to claim to have lost her cat. We exchanged a few texts on the subject during which Mistress made it clear that she was really looking forward to going through with her threat. In the end I stopped texting. The last thing I wanted was to be seen to be provoking her into actually turning up. On balance I didn’t actually think that Mistress would come strolling up my drive, but I couldn’t be certain. And so I spent a good part of my evening looking over my shoulder wondering what the hell would I do if she did!
And so here I am on Sunday morning. Mistress has me precisely where I am sure she wants me. Desperate for her attention, grateful for just a moment of her time, horny, dreaming of being allowed to touch her property for my pleasure and wondering what comes next.