Slave Taquin, as with all my slaves and pets, is but a toy for my amusement. I shall pick it up and play with it then put it down as I see fit. In this edition you will see that I very much played with it this week!
On Sunday I submitted my blog and Mistress very kindly told me that she had enjoyed reading it.
Monday was a day full of contrasts. I should be used to them by now but I wear my fetish heart on my sleeve when it comes to being a slave to Miss Deelight. Having had permission to access Twitter and missdeelight.com the previous week (and knowing that technically speaking other sites had been open to me for all of that time) I plucked up the courage to ask Mistress if I was allowed to look wider than the two sites for which permission had been granted. In my morning text I asked if I was allowed to venture further into sites such as fetlife, adultwork and xhamster. After a little while Mistress responded that she was going to treat me as if I was a child of hers and allow me access to my gadgets as she was going to be far too busy with other things this week. But she also gave me an instruction. I was to send her links to anything that was of particular interest to me. This really did get me thinking and of course dribbling. I still remember the time, very early on in my servitude to Miss Deelight, when she accused me of trying to top from the bottom and punished me accordingly! Whilst she had already extracted from me plenty of information that told her all that she needed to know about my fetish desires it was going to be a very rare treat to be allowed to proactively send her links to things that really got me going. I was very much aware that I was booked to spend two and a half hours with Mistress at the HOD at the end of the week and wondered if she was after ideas for that session. The other angle to this newfound freedom was that, since Mistress had taken control of my PC and started getting reports of my browsing and Google search activity I had stopped searching for stuff in the way that I had previously. Again I was worried that Mistress might think that I was using it as a deliberate way of telling her what I wanted to happen to me, which didn’t seem right (particularly if it was concerning things that I suspected that she really wasn’t in to). Today I decided was going to be different. And so my day went really well until about lunchtime. As Bargain Hunt came to its normal exciting conclusion I received a text from Mistress that pushed me off the cliff and started me tumbling down my very own pit of despair once again. It said two things. Firstly that we would not be able to session at the HOD on Friday but secondly that instead of this I was to meet Mistress in a public car park after which I was to take her to lunch at an Italian restaurant. Mistress had to be back at the car park promptly afterwards as she had other commitments. The fact that we wouldn’t be able to session at the HOD was really disappointing, but these things happen. The replacement plan however filled me with abject horror. I re-read the text from Mistress and realised that it had within it the following phrase ‘this still counts as a session because I am not going to make it easy for you’. Without droning on about it I can confirm that I find anything to do with fetish really difficult outside of home or the HOD. It is not just about being made to make of a fool of myself. I even find things like being made to edge in toilet cubicles (trains and planes being two such examples) quite horrifying. It is another example of me being silly but just knowing that there are people stood close by or probably waiting for me to finish is horrible. But in particular I fear public humiliation (and for me humiliation means doing or being seen to be doing anything out of the ordinary). I had no idea what Mistress had planned for me but the possibility that it might include any amount of performance or public humiliation sent me into a panic. This came only the day after I had read the account of the humiliation that Mistress had inflicted on Sissy Mouse on the streets of Newport. Mistress sent me another text and told me that she knew that I was stood just looking at my screen. And she was right. After a couple of minutes of hesitation I sent a text to Mistress confirming that I understood the revised arrangements and looked forward to seeing her on Friday. I signed it ‘Scared Taquin’ and got on with my day. But as the day progressed I got more and more panicked by the thoughts of what was going to happen. Of course I had not been told what that would be but knew from experience that if Mistress told me that she ‘was not going to make it easy for me’ then something terrible was going to befall me. In all honesty I had a mini melt down over the whole thing and started sending texts to Mistress. She of course was having none of it. The most reassuring thing that she told me was to trust her. And I do. But still the demons played in my mind. In the end I declared that I wanted to accept the fact that not attending my session with Mistress on the Friday would result in it being cancelled altogether and the monies already paid for it would be forfeit. I was that scared! And no, Mistress didn’t let me get away with that either. In the end she used her powers of persuasion to ensure that I agreed to go ahead. I went to bed that night quite unhappy. I was disappointed. I was disappointed that the session at the HOD had been cancelled, I was disappointed that I had reacted in the way that I had and I was disappointed that when Mistress had told me to trust her that I had still wavered. It was that last point that upset me the most. Mistress has always looked after me. Amongst our communications earlier in the day Mistress had sent me a GIF. It was of a pretty young lady driving a car and looking across at her passenger and saying ‘trust me’. They say that a picture is worth a thousand words and it is true. I did have a pretty sleepless night wrestling with the conflict between the fear of what Mistress might subject me to fighting with my steadfast knowledge that I could trust Mistress.
I awoke the following morning feeling a little better. I sent my morning text to Mistress and made no reference to the communications of the day before. She replied likewise. Later that morning Mistress kindly sent me a picture of herself wearing black lingerie in preparation for her session with a newbie that day. She looked fantastically sexy! By mid afternoon I had got over my melt down. I certainly wouldn’t say that all worry had disappeared but I knew that I was going to be safe in the hands of my Mistress. I sent her a text and told her that I was ok now and apologised for my melt down of the day before. Knowing how vulnerable that I was going to be but also knowing that I was now willing to fully submit and trust Mistresses judgement unequivocally lifted a huge weight from my shoulders.
Over the next couple of days I found myself looking forward to my lunch with Mistress more and more.
On Wednesday we exchanged texts and I asked Mistress if I could be allowed to send her the links to the things that had particularly interested me during my rare period of free internet access. There were three main themes to them, and each one, if of interest to Mistress, would probably lead to my deeper submission. But that is the nature of being a submissive chap with a wonderfully dominant Mistress. I do love it when Mistress makes me hang myself like this. I was becoming more and more horny in advance of our Friday meeting. This was made all the more intense on Thursday when I realised that Mistress had taken control of my PC and phone once again. It had taken me about 2 hours to realise that Twitter had stopped refreshing. I sent Mistress a text to let her know that I had realised that she had tightened her grip once again and just received a ‘ha, ha’ in response.
Friday dawned and the mixture of fear and happy & horny anticipation set in. Just as I had driven away from my home Mistress informed me of a change of plans. We were now going to lunch in a pub closer to the HOD. I cancelled one reservation and made another and set off not knowing what to expect. The good news was that we were now going to go directly to the pub concerned as opposed to a public car park. This was good news as I feared for what the reason might have been for meeting in a car park in the first place.
I was intentionally very early for our lunch as I wanted some time to write this blog. Although Twitter was blocked from me I could still see notifications of tweets that mentioned me through my e-mail account. One such tweet notification showed Mistress dressed in a sexy trench coat (yes she can even make a trench coat look sexy!) and a scarf on her way out for our lunch appointment. She had said that she was dressed as the ‘girl next door’. I find this a truly wonderful, natural look and sent her a text telling her how much I was looking forward to seeing her. I was straining in my device by this time.
My straining in my device should not surprise anyone as it was now four and a half weeks since my last visit to the HOD, and since Mistress had sent me away with her property securely in its chastity device! It hadn’t been touched by anything but stainless steel during that time and was pretty desperate for any sort of attention. As I write this I have just realised that this is probably the longest time that Mistress has left me locked 24/7 since my unfortunate injury (I had allowed the device to dig in and had not told Mistress). Since that time I have made some changes to the device that appears to have led to a significant improvement. So much so that even after four and a half weeks of continuous wear (and much teasing) it feels perfectly comfortable with no signs of rubbing or chafing. This is both great news and scary news. A long time ago I foolishly told Mistress that my fantasy was that she would never allow me to touch my property again. The only time that it would come out of its cage would be when I was tied up at the HOD. This week it feels like Mistress is turning another fantasy into reality!
Mistress arrived at the Pub fashionably late. It had given me time to pre-order a drink for her and to start to fret about how close other diners would be to us. I have never been allowed to take Mistress out before and had no idea of how the dynamics might work out. I feared that Mistress might take the opportunity to ensure that the other diners were left in no doubt as to my subservient position. Once Mistress arrived my fears were totally allayed. During the next 2 hours of our lunch Mistress maintained her natural dominant position in our relationship but in such a way that I was the only person to realise it. We had a thoroughly nice lunch with only a brief time talking of fetish stuff. Eventually Mistress had to leave to attend some lucky chap back at the HOD and we said our goodbyes and left. But just before we left Mistress asked if I was still locked. It seemed a slightly strange question as she had the key to the device, but I responded that yes I was still locked and went on my way. As I drove home I realised at I had missed a potential (but unlikely) opportunity for release.
When I had left home that morning I had no idea what lay ahead of me. At that point I had believed that I would be required to meet Mistress in a public car park before taking her to lunch. I hadn’t received any instructions as to what I should take with me but Mistress had asked earlier in the week if she had changed the code on the key safe that contained my emergency device key. I had therefore packed a few of the things that would be required for a normal session ‘just in case’. One of the things that I had with me therefore was the key safe. As I had got to the pub first, and now knowing that we would meet inside the pub, I had taken my key safe in with me hidden in my laptop bag.
As I drove home that afternoon I realised that my reply to Mistress should have been. ‘Yes Mistress I am still securely locked, but I do have the key safe with me. Please will you allow me an orgasm tonight?’ How often do we walk away from having said something knowing that we have missed the opportunity to say something better? I hadn’t even told her that I had the key safe with me. Of course Mistress would probably have said no (mind you that would have been very exciting as well. Being denied by text is one thing but seeing Mistresses eyes sparkle whilst exercising her total control of my pleasure is something else altogether!).
I drove home with a different feeling to any normal session day. I had enjoyed a really nice lunch with a charming, pretty and supremely dominant woman. I had not been humiliated in any way and I felt eternally grateful for that. There was a part of me that still regretted not being able to have had fun and games at the HOD but I reconciled this tinge of disappointment with the fact that I had been allowed a unique opportunity to enjoy relaxed time with my Mistress. Our relationship is long term and had, I felt, been strengthened further by today’s ‘session’. I stopped on the way home and sent Mistress a ‘thank you’ text. She responded in her own unique way. In it she confirmed how much she had enjoyed our lunch and assured me that, as she had been so kind to me today I should expect double the cruelty at the next session. I thought ahead to my next session in only 2 weeks time and started to dream and fret all at the same time.
I arrived home happy and relaxed. But as the evening wore on I just couldn’t get the vision out of my mind of Mistress sat opposite me smiling sweetly knowing all the while that I, her slave, was locked up with no chance of release that day. I became very horny indeed! I fought the urge to contact Mistress for a couple of hours before giving in and texting her to ask her to allow me an orgasm that night. At 9.34pm Mistress read my text, but didn’t reply. I should know better but I did just wonder if she might say yes. Just once or twice in the last 2 years Mistress has surprised me with the opportunity to give myself an orgasm. Of course there have probably been another 100 occasions when she has denied me totally. But I still hung on to the slim possibility that she might be merciful, just this once. I therefore reasoned that her lack of response might be that she was just teasing me. Mistress knows that I normally go to bed at 10pm. Maybe she was going to wait until 9.59pm before saying yes. Of course it didn’t happen. 10pm came and went without a reply. I waited up until 10.15 but still nothing. In the end I went to bed denied and horny. It is a sensation that I often enjoy, but I had no doubt that on this occasion it was an orgasm that I really needed.
I awoke the next day still feeling desperately horny. I thanked Mistress in my morning text for how she made me feel but also referred to the fact that an orgasm would have been wonderful.
Her response: ‘Well I gave you lots of freedom last week and such nice company yesterday. Don’t be greedy!’
I responded that I appreciated everything that she does for me. And then felt totally controlled and submissive for the rest of the day.