Slave Taquin – Distance Control Journal – Mental Discomfort

This journal doesn’t need much of an introduction as my slave has written all that needs to be said.  I will just add that I enjoyed making my pet squirm!

I was pretty nervous when I sent last week’s blog to Mistress. This was because I feared that I might have annoyed her with my revelations about feeling vanilla and a comment I had made about my session during that week. My blog was as always honest in its content and so I waited anxiously for Mistress to reply. I was therefore very relieved to hear from her how much she had enjoyed the blog and to be told that I was now back where I belonged (under her control in chastity).

Mistress had been quite stern with me the night before. At times like that I sit at home feeling very vulnerable. It reminds me that Mistress has the ability to make my life so uncomfortable (or worse) in so many different ways and with that fear comes the realisation that I am completely at her mercy. As always this had put me back into my ‘slave space’ and had left me as horny as hell.

Later on the Sunday morning I had logged into the Facebook group that Mistress has established for her regular slaves. She had posted a picture of herself that was titled ‘Feeling Powerful’. Mistress was stood in front of a full length mirror. She was in high heels, wearing a short skirt that left the top of her stockings and suspenders in plain sight, a tightly fitting black corset and a stunning red satin top buttoned just low enough to draw the eye. And my eyes were ‘drawn’ to admire the picture on many occasions that day. But it was none of the elements that I have mentioned so far that kept making me open up the picture ‘just one more time’. No, the thing that made me keep coming back for more was Mistresses expression. Mistress looked oh so dominant. Her expression was strict, stern and almost cold in its intensity. Her eyes bored into my very soul! Sometimes I feel that I need a warm and caring Mistress. But last Sunday I fantasised about a Mistress who would rule me with a rod of iron and who would crush any thoughts of a life without her.

And as so often happens when I feel this way I sat down and wrote Mistress an email that I later regretted. There were two parts to it. The first was a thank you for the Facebook picture and the second was a fantasy, that won’t be repeated here (or anywhere else for that matter)! It was most certainly submissive but I ‘overstepped the mark’ in its content. In my defence it was the product of how desperate Mistress makes me feel. The response from Mistress confirmed my fears. It was ‘thank you for your largely preposterous ramblings’. Oh dear!

I therefore spent the next two days grovelling. I suspect that Mistress was thoroughly enjoying my discomfort as she didn’t make life any easier for me. It wasn’t until Tuesday evening that I finally received the text from Mistress that I had been hoping for. It contained the words ‘you are forgiven’. This was not the first time (and I fear that it won’t be the last!) that I had said or done something that I shouldn’t have. Normally it is in the heat of a moment and ‘more heart than head’. Mistress is always so much more ‘grown up’ about it than I am. She always ensures that I know what I have done wrong, she will punish me appropriately for the situation (often just knowing that I have angered her or overstepped a mark is sufficient to make me feel terrible for what I have done) and then she will let me know, once I have served my penance, that we are going to put it behind us. And she does. If the cause of her displeasure is ever mentioned again it will only be in moments of good humour and not as some awful recollection that is brought up over and over again to undermine a long term relationship. (Ah – I have just thought of one other time when it might be mentioned again. It will inevitably end up on Mistresses ever growing list of Taquins misdemeanours! Hopefully Mistress will lose the USB stick or whatever it is held on before she decides to ‘discuss it’ with me at the HOD).

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