Slave Taquin – Distance Control Journal – Mental Turmoil

I am rushing through scheduling blog posts for while I am away so this and the next few posts wont have an introduction with them… just the tortured and teased ramblings of my devoted pets!

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Having submitted my blog earlier in the day I was so pleased to get a text back from Mistress congratulating me on it. My blog had talked of how I had felt having been largely starved of contact or stimulation over the previous 7 days. It had not been easy. In her text Mistress had told me that my blog was just what she had expected and that I could now ‘see how dull your life is without me in it’.

It is this ability to play with my feelings and emotions knowing all the while precisely the effect that she is having on me that makes Mistress so powerful, dangerous and exciting.

Mistress had decided to have a couple of well earned rest days on Sunday and Monday and so I did my best not to trouble her. I did have some good personal news on Monday afternoon that I shared with her. She kindly responded to say how pleased she was for me and concluded her text with the words: ‘Now you can lock up!’. Being locked in chastity was one of the things that Mistress had removed from my day to day life the previous week. Being locked up for Mistress provides me with a constant reminder of her power over me. Today putting the device on, securing it with the coded plastic lock and sending the picture to Mistress had a particularly strong effect on me. I suspected that Mistress had been planning for this moment, when she would know that her property was trapped once again in its steel cage. Having been starved of attention the previous week I wondered what Mistress had planned for me now. At least now, I thought, I will get some attention from Mistress….

On Tuesday morning I sent my morning text to Mistress and waited (checking my phone every 5 minutes for her response as I always do). At 9am a reminder appeared on my phone. It said ‘Be a good boy’. Mistress had obviously been into my IPhone account and set it up for me. I sent her a text and told her that I had no choice but to be ‘a good boy’ as I was now locked in chastity for her. Again there was no response. And this was when my real turmoil and distress started. I realised as the day progressed without any contact at all from my Mistress that I was now locked and helpless, and maybe I would remain in fetish exile until my next session in 2 weeks time! Mistress had my phone and PC firmly under her control. The only fun website I could access was Miss Deelight’s through my phone. I was still locked out of Twitter on my phone and PC.

Mistress had actually told me that she had lifted the restrictions on Twitter through my phone. When I told her that it still didn’t work at some point in the previous week she suggested that I should delete the Twitter App and then re-install it. I had done as suggested and deleted the App, only to find that Mistress had placed a restriction on my phone that prevented me from installing Apps! And again as was the case the previous week there was no stimulation from Mistress. I really did feel quite desperate.

I have to confess that being so utterly powerless made me feel very horny indeed. But it also led to much mental turmoil throughout the day. I kept telling myself not to text again. I really didn’t want to annoy Mistress. Twice I wrote texts and twice I deleted them. I checked my phone over and over. Maybe Mistress had sent a text earlier in the day and it had not got through to me? A friend of mine had told me that he had sent a text to me that I had never received. Maybe Mistress had set me a task and was awaiting its completion. But still I didn’t text. At 10pm I went to bed feeling quite proud of myself for not bothering Mistress.

I woke at 5am on Wednesday morning with Mistresses property straining against its cage. I checked my phone to find a message from Mistress that had arrived after I had gone to bed. She wanted to know how her property was. I replied, and started my ‘phone watch’. I wondered if I might be spared just a little of her time today. To say that I was desperate for some attention would be a gross understatement.

And in case anyone is wondering, there was no anger from me in any of this. I love what Mistress does to me however difficult things get and however screwed up I feel as a result. It is her absolute control of my fetish world that I have emotionally and financially signed up for until at least the start of 2017. I know that she will take me on whatever journey she chooses for me. And I will remain grateful for every moment of it.

This morning she did send me a text. She told me that she had deliberately sent me a text after my normal bedtime, knowing that I would read it in the early hours and not be able to return to sleep. She was as always correct. I responded and thanked her and took the opportunity to ask if I could try to escape her grip on my phone. I had found an option that suggested if I pressed the button it would remove her management of it. I am by nature an escapologist. I need to test my bonds to know that I am truly stuck. I guessed that if I did press the ‘remove management’ button I would be blocked by the fact that Mistress had imposed a password restriction on my phone. But I felt compelled to try anyway. Sometimes Mistress will allow me to test my bonds, but not today. I was swiftly informed that if I did try and remove her control of my phone that I would receive 12 strokes of the cane when I next attended the HOD in two weeks time. There is one thing that I am very clear on. If Mistress threatens a punishment, and her slave chooses to disregard that threat, then she will deliver the promised punishment without variation or hesitation. She is like any good Mother in this regard. She knows that hollow threats are counterproductive and that the consistent application of authority is a kindness in the end. As a slave who hates the cane my decision was easy. I will now never know if the ‘remove management’ button does what it suggests!

What came next really surprised me….

Sometimes I think that Mistress can see deep into my fetish soul (or maybe it was something to do with my response to her threat of 12 strokes of the cane). The truth is that, whilst such a threat is indeed effective, I have known Mistress long enough now that if she decides that I will benefit from a good beating at the HOD, she will come up with some very good reasons to do so!  It makes me rather fatalistic about it I guess.

Without me conveying any of this to her Mistress sent me a startling text. It was a screen shot of my phones ‘recent calls’ screen together with a text that told me that Mistress had ‘other ways to control me’ and that I had ‘better not step out of line’. The inference of course was that she could and would phone my friends and family listed on the screen if I pushed the boundaries that she had set for me. I still have no idea of how she managed to access and screen shot my phone. What I do know is that it sent a shiver through my body and her property started dribbling uncontrollably.

And so this is where the next phase of my torment commenced. It became clear that, over the previous couple of days, Mistress had moved me from a state of desperately missing any form of stimulation, contact or control to one where she had exerted total control through chastity and the risk of exposure to my friends and family. There were moments over the next few hours where I just didn’t know what to do with myself. The feeling of total helplessness and submission were overwhelming. They were overwhelming in a wonderful way but came in waves of intensity that were difficult to bear. I knew that the only way that I could make the intensity subside would be by having an orgasm. But that was made impossible by the device. Of course this knowledge just made matters worse. In my desperation I even considered committing the ultimate sin and removing the device. Would Mistress really check the lock number when I was next at the HOD? I do always have to send her a picture but I wasn’t sure that she ever actually checked it. It was only a fleeting thought and I felt guilty for even considering it. I thought about sending Mistress a text to ask her to allow me to release myself but knew of course that would be rejected and that it would make matters even worse. I coped for about another 5 minutes and then thought that I would ask Mistress one more time if she would allow me back onto Twitter. It had now been over 2 weeks since I had last been allowed on, and how I had missed it. It at least might prove something of a distraction. I sent Mistress a polite text. Well in truth it was more of a humiliatingly, drivelling email begging to be allowed back onto twitter. Her response surprised me, and in a way let me off the hook as far as my torment was concerned. Mistress told me that she had actually released the block on Twitter on my PC the day before and so I should be able to view it. It was as if Mistress had untied my wrists and told me that I was free to go. I instantly calmed down. It is so exciting when I am being controlled by Mistress, but when I came to realise that it was actually something else more mundane preventing me from accessing Twitter it turned into an annoying PC problem. Worse still it was likely that it would result in me having to ask Mistress to help me sort out my PC. I hate bothering Mistress with such things. I hate being a burden to her. I decided that I should try and resolve things myself. I tried all sorts of things but to no avail (and yes I did turn the PC off and on again!). In the end I did have to ask Mistress to take a look at what was preventing me from accessing Twitter. I am still not sure what the problem was but at some point Mistress texted me the following day and confirmed that I was able to look at Twitter again. In truth as soon as I logged on successfully I devoured it! I tried to look at all of the tweets, but there had just been too many. Instead I went onto Mistresses profile and enjoyed all of her tweets and posts. There was one in particular that made me stop and wonder. Apparently Sissy Mouse had had an unauthorised orgasm at home! There but for the grace of god go I, I thought. I had been so close to committing the same offence but the fear of the consequences had stopped me just in time. I wondered what the punishment might be. I am pretty sure we will learn the outcome at some point. That is if Mistress allows Sissy Mouse to live to tell the tale.

I sent a text to Mistress and thanked her for allowing me back onto Twitter. I also told her of something that has troubled me for some time. To cut a long story short Mistresses property does not always behave as it did when it was in its youthful heyday. Goodness knows I do get horny, and yes it dribbles away as good as any chaps might, but it doesn’t always get hard when it jolly well should. This is particularly true when Mistress has me in front of a camera but it is also true in my day to day existence as well. For me a good erection is a rarity and I really miss it. I asked Mistress if she would give me permission to get a prescription for Viagra. Mistress texted back and told me that as far as she was concerned there was absolutely nothing wrong with her property and that I didn’t need the little blue pills. She went on to point out that she needed to be able to lock me up again before I could leave the HOD, and that it would be no good if she tried to do that whilst I had a drug induced 10 hour hard on! She was of course right on the second point but I have to say that it left me a little disappointed.  I didn’t tell her this of course. As far as I am concerned Mistress does know what is best for me and I had at least opened up about something that hadn’t been mentioned before.

On Friday I wrote to Mistress and made a different request. This time it was to be allowed to write to a Findom whose Twitter feed I had always enjoyed in order to tell her how much I liked it. I also asked Mistress if it would be ok for me to send this other lady a small gift of appreciation. Mistress kindly gave me her permission to do both things, and so I did. It seems only fair to do so. Some Mistresses put a huge amount of time and effort into what they publish. It seems only right to thank them for doing so. Within a couple of hours the Findom in question had e mailed me to thank me for my thoughtfulness. She instructed me to thank Miss Deelight for allowing me to contact her and to ensure that I served Miss Deelight well. It was something of a ‘feel good moment’ for me, and I hope for her also. I did indeed thank Miss Deelight for allowing me to do this and I know that I will serve her to the best of my abilities for as long as she is willing to put up with me.

And then on Saturday Mistress sent me another text about Viagra. She did something that happens very, very, rarely. She changed her mind! I had not raised the question or referred to it since Mistress had refused my original request. But here she was texting me to say that I could get some, but that she would decide if and when I could use them. She went on to say that she thought they would provide a great opportunity for ‘fun’. I could almost imagine the wicked smile on her face as she composed the text. My request had been made to try to overcome an embarrassing problem. Now I began to wonder if Mistress had discovered her very own WMD to use against me. I thanked her for her revised decision and set about getting some. I am really looking forward to experiencing proper erections again but can’t help thinking about how they might be used to torment me. It is like so much of my adventure with Miss Deelight, incredibly exciting but frightening at the same time. I did some internet research to discover that I could complete a simple on line questionnaire, which would be reviewed by a doctor who would decide if I should have a prescription. By 5pm I had 16 little blue pills tucked away for future use! I sent Mistress a picture of them and asked if I could remove my device and try one out that night. Mistress totally ignored me, and my request. It was what I deserved. What a ridiculous suggestion. I will just have to wait until Mistress decides that the time is right.


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