As the title depicts, it has been one hell of a week for Slave Taquin in which he found himself on the receiving end of a new level of control, safely and permanently locked back into chastity and ordered to call another Domme for locked teasing!
This has been one hell of a week. Mistress has ensured that, as the days have gone by, I have descended deep into the pit of desperation that she has crafted just for me.
As followers of this blog will know I have been working on a new chastity device, trying to get it to a point where it can be worn 24/7. I had been wearing it for 4 days when, on Sunday, Mistress instructed me to remove it and give myself a good wash. I wasn’t to put it back on again as she had a task for me later in the day. I did as I was told and was pleased to find that the device hadn’t caused any chafing issues and that, despite the nature of the device, I had managed to keep myself remarkably clean whilst wearing it. I say ‘despite the nature of the device’ because it (Bon4m) has a cage with relatively small access holes. To make matters more difficult still the access holes get progressively smaller towards the end of the device. I was pleased to see that the cleaning method I had adopted was working so well. From a fetish perspective it has to be said that this makes this an extremely effective device. My previous device did allow some access to the end of Mistresses property. With this device it is impossible for me to touch it in any meaningful way at all. It really is locked away out of my reach unless Mistress allows me access.
Anyway back to the events of Sunday. I took off the device, washed as instructed, and got on with vanilla tasks. It wasn’t until the early evening that I received a text from Mistress informing me that she needed to go shopping using my credit card. This was something that she had first raised as a possibility a few days earlier with the tantalising promise that I would like what she was going to buy. I had of course been trying to work out what it might be and had concluded that it would either be lingerie for Mistress to wear at my next session or some new bondage device. I went to my workshop at the agreed time ensured, that my laptop was in a private area and watched as Mistress logged onto it with TeamViewer. It still sends a shiver around my body when I see her take over a part of my life that contains so much private and personal information. It makes me realise how totally vulnerable I really am. Initially we chatted via the notes page about some pretty vanilla stuff and then Mistress pasted a link into my browser that took us straight to the item that she was going to purchase. It was a leather collar that provided the opportunity for an inscribed name plate. So this was what Mistress was going to make me buy for myself. I guess you could call it a bondage device, but this was going to build on the strongest form of bondage there is, mental bondage. Mistress spent some time selecting a font style and size before confirming that the name plate should have my slave name ‘Taquin’ inscribed on it and placed the order. By the time all of this had been completed I was feeling incredibly horny. I was delighted therefore when Mistress concluded the TeamViewer session by telling me that I was to sleep without the device that night. I was to be allowed to stroke her property that night and was then to lock myself back into the chastity device first thing the following morning.
I went to bed that night and enthusiastically carried out the instructions of my Mistress. It was such a long time since her property had been touched in this way. I got to a point where I knew that I would have to stop. Just as I got to that point however a series of thoughts entered my mind to do with the Blackmail fetish that seems to have developed in me. This was probably stimulated by Mistress being on my PC earlier. Anyway what ever the reason was I got myself to a point were I knew that I was just a moment away from a mind blowing orgasm. It wasn’t like a normal edging session (which are difficult enough). No, today there was a volcano preparing to erupt and my self control was being tested like never before. I stopped, picked up my phone, and sent the ridiculous request to Mistress ‘please will you allow me an orgasm tonight’. The series of emoticons I received in response confirmed what I was pretty certain would be the answer. No
There have been times in the past when I have asked such a question where in all honesty I would have been disappointed to be allowed my request. Today was not one of those days! I really, really needed to complete what I had started. There then followed a night of very little sleep, during which Mistresses property seemed to remain rock hard for the entire time, I awoke and sent Mistress my morning text. I had managed to lock myself back into my device and sent Mistress the picture of the coded lock. I told her also that I had been the closest I had ever been to breaking the Golden rule and had so nearly given myself the orgasm that my body was screaming out for. What stopped me? I knew that I would end up telling Mistress. I knew that she would be so disappointed in me at such an abuse of her trust. I knew that I would be punished terribly at my next session. Mistress replied with the words: ‘I don’t know when I am going to let you out of that device……’
The following day was one of my most difficult yet. I found myself locked up once again. Mistress had suggested that she wasn’t going to release me for a long time, the events of the previous evening and night were still firmly in my mind and to make matters worse I found myself undertaking a dull painting job all day. At times like this my mind wanders, fantasises and goes to places it really shouldn’t. Today I found myself thinking about what my response would be if Mistress set me the task of writing down a list of my best moments during my time under her control. Most of them came as no surprise to me at all. There were two however that, were I to be totally honest in my response, had no place in my normal list of pleasures. The two in question both included large doses of pain. One was where I had been systematically tortured by Mistress using electrics during an interrogation and the other was where Mistress had punished me for escaping my bonds through the use of nipple clamps. Both experiences left me never wanting to experience them again and yet in hindsight they were both, in their ways, critical to my development as a loyal slave of Miss Deelight. What was surprising me today was not just that they would both have to feature in my ‘best’ moments but that thinking about there inclusion was making me very horny. By the end of the day I found myself craving those painful experiences again but I couldn’t get my slave head around the why. It was a text exchange with Mistress that unlocked the dilema for me. I felt like I knew Mistress well enough to ask her a personal question. Because I have no desire to cause anyone pain I have no understanding of the motivations of a sadist. I plucked up the courage to ask Mistress about her own motivations. Her response was clear, honest and insightful. The text I received back was as follows:
I’m a caring sadist! I love inflicting pain because I’ve been on the receiving end and I know the high of it, so I enjoy taking others there safely and nurturingly.
I think this has provided me the last piece of the jigsaw to understanding my own relationship with pain in my submission to Miss Deelight. I think I can summarise it as this:
I genuinely don’t like the sensation of pain but when it is Mistress administering it I feel totally dominated (she is doing something to me that I don’t want her to do). I can feel Mistresses own pleasure in what she is doing which is important to me. Because I have lost any semblance of control I am totally reliant on Mistress for my safe passage. In this moment I do feel nurtured and cared for.
I am sorry if that all got a bit too introspective and thoughtful but it has really helped me to think it through and write it down.
The following morning my frustration and torment in the device was increased further. I received my task for the day. I was to contact a Domme through AdultWork and spend a maximum of 10 minutes with her on direct chat. I was to tell her that I was locked in chastity and that I had been sent to her by my Mistress to receive mental teasing. Looking back on this task now as I write this blog I can confirm that this has been the most devastatingly effective task that Mistress has ever set me. The task stimulated many conflicting emotions. I have never taken part in phone chat with a Domme before. I have never actively used AdultWork and therefore didn’t have an account or know how to pay for services. I do have a recurring fantasy of being ganged up on by a group of Dommes who secretly conspire to ensure my total submission. Mistress made the task even more effective by telling me that she wanted to know who it was I had contacted and that I was to leave feedback. This for me is true distance control. There is no choice but to do exactly as instructed. Combine this with the fear of being forced out of my comfort zone together with the need to read lots of profiles and look at lots of pictures of Dommes and I became a dribbling mess.
And then on top of all of this Mistress told me that I was to meet her in a motorway services car park later in the day! I suspected that this could mean only one thing. Mistress had decided that it was time to stop using the coded plastic locks on my device and was going to lock me up with a steel padlock. As I was about to set off for the meeting I received the instruction to bring the key safe with me. My assumption was correct. I pulled into the car park 10 minutes before the agreed time and waited for Mistress to arrive. A few minutes later her car pulled up alongside mine. I got into the passenger seat of Mistresses car clasping the key safe that I had been instructed to bring. I found Mistress to be in a relaxed but business like frame of mind. We chatted for a few minutes before she told me to hand over the key safe. Whilst Mistress set a new code on the key safe and placed my spare key into it I removed the coded plastic lock from my device and re-secured it with the steel padlock provided. It clicked shut and my fate was sealed. I knew that it was more than two weeks until my next session and suspected that this was therefore going to be the next chance for Mistresses property to see the light of day. At this point the frightening truth of my change in circumstances began to strike home. For the last few weeks I had been able to take the device off whenever I chose (I would always let Mistress know but it was really down to me). This had been during the period of time where some chafing injuries were healing but also whilst I made adjustments to the new device to ensure that it no longer rubbed and that I no longer fell out of it when I got cold. I realised that, with the click of the lock, these freedoms had now been taken away from me. And then to compound matters still further Mistress applied a new control on me. She told me that from now on if I had to request the key safe code because I had fallen out of the device or any similar reason that I would receive 6 strokes of the cane for each occasion. Despite what I said earlier in this blog about pain this potential punishment frightens the hell out of me. Mistress has only ever given me one stroke of the cane, and I still remember it today. It hurt like hell. Six strokes doesn’t bear thinking about. I drove away from the car park knowing that there was absolutely no escape from the torment I was now experiencing.
Over the next few days I tried to complete the AdultWork task. I had one ‘false start’ and found myself talking with a Domme who within 2 minutes wanted me stick my finger up my bum! Then Mistress kindly suggested an alternative Domme to contact. Unfortunately she didn’t come back on line over the next couple of days. All the while I was reading profiles and getting myself steadily more and more worked up. Yesterday Mistress gave me permission to try and find someone for myself. In the end I did find and phone a pretty and powerful Goddess who listened, questioned and teased in all the ways that I am sure Mistress had intended. This task has now got me so worked up that every time my phone pings I instantly become hard in the cage almost fearing that it is Mistress texting me to increase my torment yet further. Normally I really look forward to texts from Mistress. This week I am really not sure how much more teasing I can take…