…..and back into it… that place in vanilla land, the humdrum, the doom and gloom of vanilla life that sometimes gets in the way of the fun and frolics that is kink land. There was no journal from Taquin last week. Vanilla life really took precedence. This week my control and his thrills made a come back, even if just temporary. I did maximise the opportunity at every possible moment to torment my flailing sub.
Mistress had concluded the previous week by reminding me that she could, at any time that she chose, snap me out of a ‘down’ period and that she enjoyed putting fear into me whilst she did it. I know this is true. Even when I know she is just playing with me, either allowing me to sink into despair or suddenly elevating me back to a state of blissful submission, I am powerless to do anything about it. I just have to let it happen.
On Sunday morning I let Mistress know how horny I was feeling. Mistress chose to build on my growing desperation by starting to suggest things that would happen at my session scheduled for the end of the week. Much of this centred around the tantalising suggestion that she would chain me up for the first hour, either to her sunbed (which I was to purchase!) in the back yard of the HOD whilst she sunbathed or, if the weather wasn’t suitable, to the table in the lounge of the HOD whilst she worked away on emails, direct chat or even TeamViewer. Up until now Mistress has always restrained me and left me largely on my own for the first hour of our two and a half hour sessions. This allows me the joy of being her prisoner comfortable in the knowledge that, whilst ensuring my safety, she is able to get on with much more important tasks in her day. The idea that she might allow me to be with her whilst she undertakes those tasks filled me with great joy. What an honour, and a pleasure it would be, for me.
On the Monday morning I received a text from Mistress that told me that she had looked at the weather forecast for the day of our session, and that it was now forecast to rain. Apparently this was my fault! The next text that followed shortly afterwards just said ‘whatsapp’. I quickly pulled up WhatsApp on my phone and clicked on the video that Mistress had sent me. She started the video by showing me what she was wearing. I was excited to realise that she was wearing a very vanilla but very sexy tightly fitting peach coloured top. She looked wonderful! Along with everything else that Mistress knows about me she also knows that I do not need for her to be dressed in latex, leather or lace to be submissive to her. Much as I adore it when she wears any of the more domme style clothing I actually sometimes find myself more comfortable in my submission when she is dressed as I might expect her to be when away from the HOD. I really don’t want to enter, and then leave, a fantasy. I have chosen to accept my position as the slave of Miss Deelight at all times. I accept her dominance in all of our interactions and therefore seeing her dressed as she would be in her every day life makes me understand that our relationship is a simple fact, not a fantasy.
In the video Mistress explained that I had better make the sun shine for our session or that she would hold me personally responsible, and that I would be punished if she couldn’t sunbathe. I have given up suggesting to Mistress what I believe might or might not be fair in her treatment of me. Instead I pointed out that, whilst I would always be willing to move heaven and earth on her behalf, making the sun shine in Newport might be beyond even my capabilities! Mistresses response was to send me a full copy of her latest JOI video. This was incredible kind but also incredibly tormenting. The torment was intensified when she instructed me to watch it, stroke slowly, but not to cum. Easier said than done. It is a fabulous video with Mistress at her absolute teasing and tantalising best. I was a total mess by the end of it! I put her property away still throbbing with the pent up frustration of being so close to the edge but not being allowed to cum.
As the week progressed I found myself, as directed by Mistress, watching the JOI video and stroking over and over. Its effect on me never seemed to diminish.
The day of my session arrived and I exchanged confirmatory texts with Mistress. My excitement grew as the morning progressed until, for reasons I wont bore you with here, both Mistress and I had to declare that we couldn’t go ahead with the session. I was gutted! I know that compared to many slaves I am very lucky to see Mistress once a month. But the way I look at it is that I ONLY see Mistress once a month. The way things are shaping up for me in my vanilla life at the moment I might end up missing this session altogether. But 2 months between sessions seems sooooo long. I will see how it goes.