Chastity and Control Mistress, South Wales
This edition was sent to me on the 20th November, so Yes! I am behind in my blogs but fear not.. your dose of Taquin’s torment is here lol. I had spent the week leading up to this blog submission (I do love that my slaves ‘submit’ their journals as well as everything else) teasing Taquin with words. Yes it really is that easy for me to wind up my pets and turn them into dribbling wrecks, with simple text messages. I know them all so well!
(if the image below appears at the wrong orientation, it’s because I am composing this post at 4am and I really can’t be bothered to flip it around!)
On Monday and during a short text exchange referring to my session still more than 2 weeks away Mistress used the word ‘domination’ referring to what she does. And it really got to me. Amongst other things it made me think back 22 years!
My first experience with a dominatrix had been confusing and terrifying in equal measure. It was ‘pre-internet’ as far as most of us were concerned. The World Wide Web had come into existence in 1989 and it wasn’t really until the end of the 90’s that I discovered fetish content online for the first time. The reality was that back in 1994 I didn’t really have a clue what would work for me except that I knew that I wanted to be tied up by a pretty woman. One day I had found myself looking in the small ads of a local paper and saw an advertisement for a massage that ‘you were bound to enjoy’. There were no other clues as to what was on offer but I plucked up the courage and phoned the number on the ad. I remember that first call vividly. I didn’t know what to say or what to ask but somehow through my mumbles I had made an appointment. (Today I still find it hard to actually talk about my fetish even to Mistress. Writing is fine; talking face to face is still a hurdle for me. Back then I found it almost impossible). Later that same day I entered the premises of the dominatrix concerned and was met by the young lady who I had spoken to on the phone. She ushered me into a room with a bondage cross and a massage table. The walls were covered in the implements of her trade, most of which I had absolutely no idea of what their function might be. She instructed me to strip and wait whilst she went to get ready. After what seemed an age she returned, sat on the massage table alongside me and asked what I wanted. My response whispered very quietly was to say that I wanted to be dominated. I know now that was a useless answer! The problem was that I had not a clue what I meant by it, and therefore it was impossible for her to have any idea of what to do with me. She asked if I wanted to be made to crawl around on all fours on the floor. I said no. She asked a couple more questions and still I could give her no useful guidance. The only thing that I knew that I wanted was to be tied up. Again very quietly and self-consciously I told her that I would like my hands tied behind my back. In the end she had given up on trying to extract information from me, ignored my one request for bondage, strapped me to the cross and gave me my first experience of edging and denial. And it was wonderful. It was so tormenting to be brought so close to orgasm by a sexy young lady but to find that she would only allow me to cum when she was happy to do so. She had seemed to take great pleasure in her power over me, and my obvious and desperate need for her to take me over the edge. In that moment I had felt totally dominated and had for the first time begun to understand myself.
It was many years after that when I next plucked up the courage to visit a dominatrix. Like many of us I suspect that all that I dared to do was to fantasise about such things (now with the benefit of the internet) but it took a series of events to come together and the realisation that you really do ‘only live once’ to bring me to the point today when, on Monday some 22 years later, I received a text from my Mistress telling me that she dominates me. And this is exactly what Mistress does to me of course. She dominates me overtly through physical restraints, punishment or the use of enforced chastity but most of the time through her devastating use of words to control my thoughts and emotions. I am not sure however that she has ever actually said it to me before. There was such a powerful self-confidence in that one text. And how it got to me! I thought about it all of that afternoon and night. I desperately wanted to text Mistress and tell her how I felt but I know that sometimes I text too much and so I went to bed that night to suffer in silence.
On Tuesday morning, following a night of wonderful torment constrained as I was by the device Mistress makes me wear, I cracked and sent Mistress a long morning text about how she had made me feel. Often in the past this would have been enough for Mistress to know that she had got to me and she would let me simmer gently for the rest of the day. Today was not going to be one of those days! Today she responded by telling me that she had already planned an amazing session for me in December. Mistresses’ property dribbled wildly at the thought of what Mistress might have planned.
This was followed by the following text:
‘I will be dressed to kill and you will die inside because I am out of your league. Mistress.’
Those few words reminded me how tantalizingly close Mistress sometimes seems to be and yet how totally out of reach she really is. I realised that my balls were swollen and blue. Each time I read the text I felt the adrenaline run through my veins as the truth of the statement hit home. The effect of Mistress piling on the pressure was for me to crave even more attention. Again I resisted the urge to text and tried to work whilst the last text went round and round in my mind.
Then later in the day she asked me what access I currently had on my PC and phone. Mistress currently has both devices firmly locked down. I have no opportunity to view Twitter, MissDeelight.com or any traditional fetish sites. Mistress knows that I can’t help myself but try to break her hold on me hence her question. In actual fact there was very little wriggle room on my part. My only access seemed to be totally vanilla such as WhatsApp, Gmail etc although I did own up to the fact that there was some mixed wrestling content available to me. At the end of my response I asked for access to Twitter (which Mistress ignored!) and for a picture of Mistress ‘dressed to kill’. In the state that I was in I really felt the need to be able to see my Mistress. Her response made me crumble! Mistress sent me a short video of herself dressed in body hugging black PVC and boots. She ensured that the camera captured all of her curves as I heard her voice laughing at my desperation. As the video came to an end Mistress looked me straight in the eye with a mocking smile and said ‘twitch, twitch’. And that is exactly what her property did endlessly for the rest of the day. Tuesday was one hell of a day for me!
On Wednesday morning I found myself awake at 4am straining in the confines of the device once again. I dozed through a state of intense horniness until 5.30am before getting up and having a shower. I had not calmed down much by the time I sent Mistress my morning text. Her reply was a set of emoticons that told me of her pleasure at what she had done to me. Her next text didn’t help me much either. Mistress informed me that she would be taking my payment for a further 12 months servitude to her directly from my bank account using TeamViewer to access my PC ‘while you sit hopelessly watching with your input disabled’.
Thursday & Friday were quiet whilst Mistress dealt with other things in her life. On Friday I asked Mistress if she would be kind enough to allow me to pay for her to treat herself to something over the weekend. Sometimes I worry that she doesn’t spend enough time thinking about herself. I was very pleased therefore that she allowed me to pay for her to have a manicure and pedicure. Hopefully it made her smile.
Yesterday morning Mistress enquired how her property was but also how it was coping with the device. I told Mistress that her property had relaxed following it period of intense teasing at the beginning of the week. In the past any period of sustained teasing would have led to a little soreness around the device. I was pleased to be able to report to Mistress that this had not happened for some time. It has taken me a long time to get to this point. I have tried different devices during this time and having settled on my current one (Uberkinky stainless steel spiral) and having made a few alterations to its fit over time it seems that I can wear it for as long as Mistress requires me to. This is a somewhat frightening admission to make to Mistress but ultimately I am pleased. I always felt like a bit of a failure having to tell Mistress that she had teased me too much and that I needed to remove my device to recover.
At lunch time I decided to ask Mistress if she would allow me to access Twitter. She had blocked me from it on both my PC and Phone some weeks earlier and I really wanted to know what had been going on. What I do know is that asking Mistress too frequently just annoys her and leads to an extension of my exile. I think I had only asked once over the previous few weeks and so hoped that I might not get into too much trouble by asking again. I sent a very polite request to Mistress and held my breath. After a few minutes Mistress replied:
‘I’ll think about it’ – this was better than ‘no’ which had been the answer last time. 15 minutes went by until her next text:
‘On your phone?’ – I answered ‘yes please’ and waited. 20 minutes went by until her next action:
Mistress hid most of my apps on my phone (including the Twitter that didn’t work even when it was showing). I sent her a sad emoticon. She said:
‘Why’ – I explained. She replied:
‘Oh dear, Lol.’ – My apps reappeared and Mistress sent her next text:
‘Unlocked, make the most of it you don’t have long’ – I thanked her and opened up Twitter on my phone. What did Mistress mean by ‘you don’t have long’? Hours? Minutes? Seconds? I checked messages, I checked notifications, I thought about starting to look at all of the posts of the last few weeks but realised that that was probable unrealistic in the time that Mistress had allowed me. I went straight to Mistresses’ page and saw that she had posted a video. In it she gave viewers a short tour of the HOD and talked of the fact that she had a newbie coming to see her shortly. She oozed power and control as she talked of how she was going to start his training. And then the screen froze. That was it! My phone pinged to tell me a text had arrived:
‘That’s long enough!’ – It had probably been no more than two minutes. I sent Mistress a text and thanked her for allowing me just a brief look at Twitter and told her that I had been desperate to see what had been going on.
The following paragraph was omitted from my first blog submission this morning. Having sent it to Mistress a sense of guilt gnawed away at me. Mistress was probably totally aware of the impact of her actions but I know that honesty is fundamental to an effective distance control relationship and so I have now added it……
Although Mistress had only allowed me two minutes of access to Twitter I knew that it was going to provide me with much entertainment. The reason for this is that I knew that in that brief moment of access it would have downloaded everything that had happened during my exile. Although I was now blocked from gathering new tweets I knew that I would be able to tap on the Twitter app and spend as much time as I liked trawling through all the fun stuff that had been going on recently. I slid my finger across the screen to move to the screen where all of the fun apps were grouped, and they were hidden! I felt my Mistress squeezing my balls harder still. So much for the hours of fun that I thought she had provided me. It really was only two minutes followed now by an even more complete exile.
At this point Mistresses’ property lost all self-control once again. Mistress texted twice more:
‘And now I’ve added to your desperation’ and ‘my property won’t be quite so relaxed now’.
Mistress as always was correct. I went to bed last night with swollen balls and awoke at 3am with her property attempting once again to escape its cage.