The metaphoric noose continues to tighten as I allowed my slave some minor release from his isolation, like giving candy to a kid and then snatching it away again. And I decided to pay him a very personal visit just to be sure that he knows that I can and will turn up at his residence at any given time if he ever dares to test the water within our consensual blackmail arrangement….
I have to start this weeks blog by first talking about last weeks blog.
By the time I got to write last weeks blog I was already in turmoil. Mistress had done this to me and was about to turn the screws tighter by telling me I had one hour to write my blog. One hour is nowhere near enough to capture what happens in a week of control by Miss Deelight. I could possibly list a set of tasks given or torments endured but I always try to capture how it makes me feel as well. I think typically it takes me 4 or 5 hours of two finger typing, reviewing, spell checking, making sure it is formatted correctly by viewing it on both my pc and phone screen etc before submission. (I know it is probably still riddled with errors – but I do my best!). I had started to construct it earlier in the week but had not got very far before Mistress had locked me out of my PC and my phone and had ignored me totally. This was part of the reason for my turmoil, the other reason being that Mistress had made me edge myself to breaking point before locking me in my chastity device to prevent any access to her property. On Saturday morning I had sent yet another unanswered text to Mistress asking her to allow me on to my pc to write my blog which I know MUST be with Mistress on the Sunday. I continually checked my phone and PC throughout the day to see if access had been provided, but it had not. At 8.30pm I relaxed and settled down to watch a film with my other half. It seemed like I would not be able to write my blog and at least I knew that it wasn’t my fault this time. At 9pm I thought I had better check my phone one last time. There was a message from Mistress it read ‘you have one hour’. Panic! As calmly as possible I said to my other half ‘this film is rubbish isn’t it’. Luckily she agreed and I said that I was going to do some work on the pc and went to retrieve my laptop from the workshop. It had indeed been unlocked for my use. My hour had already started! And so I started to type. Within 5 minutes Mistress had come onto the PC via TeamViewer and was demanding to know what I was doing looking at my e mails (I was explicitly banned from looking at emails or twitter whilst being permitted access to my pc for blog writing). I sent a text response that explained to Mistress that I always write my blog in my email programme and that I wasn’t breaking any rules. A few more texts ensued, and I was running out of time to write my blog. I was in a real dither. Eventually Mistress left me alone and I started typing again. It was the quickest hour of my life! Before I knew it the parental control notice came on the screen informing me that my PC would lock again in 15 minutes. I pressed the option to ‘send a request to the adults in your household for more time’ and hoped that the most influential adult in my household would grant me some more time. I had no idea if she had or not when, after what seemed like only 5 minutes, the message came up that my PC would shut down in 2 minutes! I had barely time to write my last 2 line paragraph enter Mistresses email address at the top of the page and press send. 20 seconds later my PC shut down and I was left looking at a blank PC screen wondering what on earth I had just submitted…..
I sat there for some time and tried to remember. I knew that some of the stuff I had written I had subsequently deleted, and written again. But what was it? What had I left in? what had I removed? What had I done? By now it was bedtime. I sent my last text to Mistress to say that I had submitted my blog but was worried about what I might have said. There was no response. I went to bed, and hardly slept at all. I was really quite fucked up. I was incredibly excited and scared because I knew that I had referred to something that had been troubling me for some time. This was the section on trust where I had talked about the fact that my trust of Mistress sometimes gets in the way of me feeling like I am in danger. For someone like me who has a desire for a ‘no limits total exchange of power relationship’ danger is an important element. Mistress has plenty of ways of ensuring I never actually feel totally safe and so this is never an issue really. But it was the first time that I had actually admitted that it was sometimes a barrier to the total submission that I crave. But the other thing that kept me awake was the terrible realisation that I had used a word that was untrue and potentially hurtful. It was a word written in the heat of the moment that would have been amended in normal circumstances. The word was ‘heartless’. I had used it in the following sentence…
‘The fact that she had only just locked me up and was now threatening to do this sounded both premeditated, manipulative and heartless’.
I stand by the first two words. What Mistress does is always premeditated. She plans a slaves torments and inevitable capitulation with great thought and care. And yes I believe that she can be manipulative. She would be pretty rubbish at distance control if she was not. But Mistress is not heartless. What she does to me, is for me. Whilst I am pleased to know that it often gives her pleasure to make me suffer, ultimately she does it because she knows it is best for me. In this Mistress is kind and warm hearted. I was very angry with myself to have submitted a blog that used a word that I now regretted. This prayed on my mind that night and for several days after. It was made worse when I saw a couple of notifications from Twitter telling me that Mistress had tweeted twice about my blog. She had never tweeted extracts before publication before. All I knew was that Mistress had tweeted. I had no way of seeing what she had tweeted. I convinced myself that she was in some way reacting to that word. I was so angry with myself for having used it. (I now know that Mistress was tweeting about a different section altogether, but in my bubble, isolated from fetish reality, I suffered. Stupid in hindsight I know, but true).
And so to this week. I sent my first bleating text worrying about what I had blogged. Initially there was no response. I suspected that I was going to be ignored again. I went out for the day thinking that I would have a torment free day. Far from it. The first instruction was ‘send me proof that you are locked’. This actually proved rather difficult. I was on a boat in the middle of a reservoir with several other boats quite close by. I looked around and considered whether I would be able to reveal myself, take a picture and cover up again without anyone noticing. I decided I could, and did, and sent the picture to Mistress. It refused to send. I tried over and over again but to no avail. In the end I sent a text to Mistress that explained my difficulties. Instead of referring to that the reply I got from Mistress was ‘what are you doing for lunch?’ If someone else had asked me that question I would take it as an invitation. I know Mistress well enough to understand that she was just searching for information to use against me. I told her I was tying up at some pontoons to eat my sandwiches. Mistress informed me that I was to eat them off the floor of the boat, and video myself doing it. Again I did as instructed. It wasn’t easy to do without others seeing but I think I got away with what would have been a very strange sight indeed!
On Monday Mistress sent me a text to inform me that I was allowed back onto my pc. Kindly she told me that she understood that the last few days had been a torment for me. She was certainly correct in that. I opened the screen on my laptop to find that the parental control lock had indeed been removed. Greedily I started hitting the keys. I signed into my ‘guest access’ (Mistress has administrative rights) and the screen opened up. I noticed the TeamViewer message that told me that Mistress had been on my PC during my exile. I made a mental note to have a look around later to see if anything had changed. I had been starved of any internet and phone access for what seemed like weeks (it was only actually a few days). Firstly I wanted to check twitter. I clicked onto internet explorer, but it wouldn’t open up. I checked my wifi connection. Everything seemed ok. I turned everything off and back on again, and still I couldn’t connect to the internet. I began to suspect that Mistress was behind this. I sent her a text asking her the question. A couple of evil emoticons in reply confirmed my suspicion. At least I was able to use my pc again. I thought that It would be nice to view one of my favourite saved videos hidden deep in my filing system. I navigated through to the folder location and opened it. Everything was gone! Mistress had done what I had always known was possible. She had transferred several years worth of ‘fun’ videos and stories from my machine to hers.
(I used the phrase ‘no limits total exchange of power relationship’ to describe my agreement with Mistress earlier in the blog. I know that Mistress is totally ethical in what she does for her slaves. Most I understand like to have limits in place and I know that Mistress respects them absolutely and without fail. I have been the slave of Miss Deelight for long enough now to understand that she knows what is best for me. This is as true when Mistress is in control of my PC or phone as it is when I am in the HOD bound and gagged. In this context I can not complain that she decided to help herself to all of my most treasured files. It is ultimately her choice and for my own good).
I sent a text to Mistress telling her that I had discovered my loss. Mistress informed me that she had deleted them all as she had spotted that some of them weren’t even of her. I knew that she hadn’t. How could I be so confident of this? There are two reasons. Firstly that I know that Mistress will look after me and those things that are dear to me. In the files that she now has are a set of videos that feature my previous Mistress (now retired). Yes they have sentimental value! And secondly because I am sure that Mistress will see them as just another weapon in her already formidable armoury. The simple truth is that yet another form of stimulation has been taken away from me and my reliance on Mistress increases still further.
Mistress told me to restart my phone. I did as instructed. When my phone came back to life I entered the access code to find that nearly all of my apps had disappeared. Twitter had gone, WhatsApp had gone, yahoo mail had gone, safari had gone. Even my camera had gone! Just about the only things that I could do with my wonderful IPhone was to text and phone. It was like I had gone back into the dark ages.
Only 10 minutes earlier I had believed that I was being released back into the wonderful world of fetish. Now I realised that Mistress had made my exile even more complete. I could not access anything fun through my phone of PC and even my favourite videos and stories had been taken from me.
Whilst all of this was going on I was still worrying about what I might have submitted in the previous weeks blog. I was desperate to be allowed some sort of dialogue with Mistress. But still she isolated me further and refused to engage. In hindsight I realise I tried too hard. Eventually I received the following stinging text from Mistress:
‘I have found your desperate attempts to get the tiniest bit of attention both annoying and amusing’
It might not look that ‘stinging’ to those of you reading it but I know Mistress. I text with her more than I have ever texted anyone else in my life. She is incredibly tolerant. If Mistress tells me that I have been annoying I know that I must have been pretty intolerable. I apologised then, and I apologise now. How you have managed to put up with me for all of this time I will never know. I am sorry.
On Tuesday I woke horny and happy. It is the sort of contentment that comes from a reasonable nights sleep interspersed with attempted erections and a waking realisation that I am being controlled by a strong, dominant and confident woman.
I asked if she would be kind enough to allow me back on twitter – Mistress responded by telling me that she would think about it. I don’t know if she did indeed waste any time ‘thinking about it’ but she never did allow me back on. I was desperate for any form of stimulation and spent ages trying to break free from the constraints placed on my pc and phone. I failed miserably. If Mistress decides to take control of your technology you had better realise that she is capable of taking absolute and total control. There will be no escape. I had by now been allowed access to the internet through my PC but any ‘interesting sites, including missdeelight.com, had been blocked. My only access to anything of interest was through YouTube. I realised that I was able to visit Miss Deelight’s wonderful YouTube site. I was about to watch a clip when I was gripped by panic. As part of the parental controls that she has imposed on me I know that Mistress gets weekly reports from Microsoft of precisely what I search for and watch. I sent a text to Mistress asking if I could look at here clips on YouTube. Thankfully she agreed and I was able to immerse myself in a little bit of fun for the first time in ages. It can only act as teasing stimulation however as Mistress has me locked in chastity. Despite this I enjoyed watching and dribbling gently. Mistress texted me and asked me what I had enjoyed. My answer was simple. It was the clip where Mistress informed me (it certainly seemed like she was talking to me at the time) that she was going to tie me up, gag me and make me her bitch. Wonderful!
On Wednesday I awoke feeling great once again. It was a quiet day except for several texts on the subject of the referendum, and notable for the lovely picture of Mistress in crisp white lingerie taken early that morning. She is a spectacular woman.
On Thursday I had to request permission to change my chastity device. The Bon4m was once again causing me difficulties. Despite repeated attempts on my part to make it work for me I fear it never will for longer than a week at a time. Mistress kindly allowed me to replace it with the Uberkinky stainless steel device that I had used previously. (it too had previously caused me difficulties, but I was keen to try it out following some alterations that I had made). It was SO much more comfortable. The added benefit of this comfort was that it instantly allowed me to become horny without fearing the damage it might be doing. And I did. Part of the benefit of the uberkinky device is the shorter and narrower cage. It holds you comfortably and securely at all times.
Mistress informed me that if the UK chose to remain in the EU that she would chose to ensure that I remained in chastity for a further 2 years. Thank goodness the nation took the decision it did.
Friday dawned to a new world for the UK. The day was spent watching events unfold. All I will say on the subject is that, regardless of how anyone voted, we all now have an absolute responsibility to future generations to ensure that, when they look back on the decision we took on their behalf, they can see that we pulled together to make it work.
It was that evening when I was finally allowed back onto missdeelight.com. I went straight to my blog from the previous week. Up until that point I had been unable to read the intro that Mistress had written to it. The title was ‘Emotionally fucked’. So true! I spent several minutes looking through Mistresses website. I read a couple of blogs I had not seen before. Enjoyed photographs that I know so well, looked at the list of fetishes and activities that Mistress caters for. The one notable change that I spotted was the addition of IPhone control within the TeamViewer / pc control section. I was not surprised to see that it was there. From my own personal experience I know that it forms an important part of my own reliance on Mistress and her inescapable control of me. I doubt that there are many dommes willing and able to offer distance control in the way that Miss Deelight can. She has a wide variety of ways of keeping any slave on a tight leash and providing the control that so many of us need. Control of a slaves technology is just one of them. And wow she is good at it! Yes she has the technical ability to take over a slaves pc or phone if they dare ask her to do so, but much more importantly she has the ability to use it to tease, frighten, punish, reward and generally mind fuck a slave until he is a dribbling mess like me.
Saturday provided the ultimate example of this. I was at a customers house when the first text arrived. Mistress wanted to know why I was at this location so frequently? (Mistress knows where I am at all times through the location tracking she has activated on my phone). I explained that they were good customers for whom I do a lot of work. Mistress demanded to know how long I was there for. Once I replied that I was there all day things went quiet. An exchange like this always get me going. Why did Mistress want know how long I would be there for? Was she going to do something to my PC in my workshop in my absence? Was she tweeting about me without me knowing? (Mistress has hidden Twitter from me on my phone and I can now only access it, when she allows it, on my PC). I worked on all day wondering what was going on. When I did eventually get home that evening I looked at my PC and all seemed to be ok. I settled down to enjoy the evening. I think it was at 9pm when my phone told me that I had received a text from Mistress. It was a image from a street map. an arrow pointed to my house. My first thought was that Mistress was proving to me that she knew where I lived (of course location tracking gave that away long ago). But then I looked at it more closely only to realise that it had the caption ‘Miss Deelight’s location’ against it! WTF! Before I could gather my thoughts together 2 more texts arrived. One was a picture, taken out of a car window, of my front gate and the other just said ‘Surprise, surprise’. Mistress was actually sat in her car outside the front gate of my house. This I was not prepared for. What is a slave meant to do at times like this? I just stood stunned. Should I go out and say hello? Fortunately our front gate is hidden from the house by a tree and so my partner would not be able to see. But she would think it an odd that I was going outside now. Even if I did go out I could imagine a conversation between myself and a gorgeous young woman in a car being overheard by my neighbours. What if Mistress asked me in a loud voice how I was getting on with the chastity device that she makes me wear?! I couldn’t risk that. I just stayed inside and shook. I texted Mistress to ask if she was still there. There was no reply. I now suspect that Mistress had stopped, taken pictures, texted and then moved on. I have no way of knowing really.
What a week! Thank you Mistress.