I granted my slave some time to catch his breath this week. I envisioned my pet swallowing in all the air he could, in a similar way that a Tench might do having been caught on a fishing line and pulled out of water…..
Having had a minor slave melt down, perfectly orchestrated by Mistress Deelight, the previous week I started this new week with no idea of what would happen next.
This week I was on a family holiday that had taken me to a holiday home on the other side of the country. I had requested PC access for the week in order that I could keep up to date with work issues. Unfortunately I found it impossible to connect to the holiday home wifi with my PC and so had to ask Mistress to allow me to access the internet through my phone. I was not surprised that she allowed me the access that I requested. Mistress always understands that vanilla life has to somehow be squeezed in alongside the fetish world, but today she did do something else that did surprise me. Not only did she allow me vanilla access but she also opened up Twitter and her website for me and told me that I had her permission to view them. I felt the sands of my fetish world shift beneath my feet. I opened up Mistress Deelight’s web site and went straight to the blogs section. The first one I saw was one of mine written by me two weeks earlier but only published by Mistress 2 days ago. I read the intro and immediately understood what was happening. It read…
‘For those of you who are avid readers of my blog and of Slave Taquin’s journey, you will probably have assumed that the proverbial noose couldn’t get much tighter. Your assumption is wrong. I am slowly but surely squeezing the life out of my slave, he is now starting to choke on his own lewd fantasies. Will I ever allow him some air? Of course! But only so that I can revel in tightening my grip again and again!’
It seemed that my surprise access to the fetish internet was Mistress allowing me some air before starting to tighten the noose once again. To know that my freedom was planned, probably brief and likely going to be followed by more fetish misery made me ridiculously horny. Why? It was certainly not because it involved more fetish misery (although I do believe that you can only truly appreciate the fabulous highs when you have experienced the terrible lows). My excitement was driven by the knowledge that I was being so perfectly controlled and manipulated. I didn’t just breath in the wonderful fresh fetish air, I gulped and gulped!
The following day I received another surprise and, on the surface of it, welcome email. Mistress declared that she was doing away with my once a week guaranteed internet access. Fetish Friday had been cancelled. It was welcome from my perspective because I had come to dislike the ‘structure’ it provided in my fetish world. I would like to think that Mistress was taking pity on me. But I am pretty sure that the truth lay in the reason that she gave me for the change. Mistress told me that she didn’t want me to know if or when access would be allowed. Basically she would now find it easier to torture me again!
And I felt so incredibly horny and so incredibly grateful to Mistress for all of this. In hindsight I think it was probably the sort of gratitude that the man stretched out on the rack feels when his torturer eases the pressure momentarily. Mistress had eased the pressure and by now I was almost hyperventilating on wonderful fresh fetish air. By Wednesday I was a total mess. At one point Mistress asked how her property was. I did explain that it was driving me nuts locked as it was in the device. I have to say that I just love the sensation of being locked in a chastity device. It is for me such a tangible loss of power and control. Being locked up normally happens before I leave the HOD after a session. It is in a moment when I don’t actually want to be locked up again. I will have just finished a session with Mistress. It will have been intense. One way or another my balls will have been emptied. I will have just had a shower. And Mistress will have told me to see her again before getting dressed. At this point in my exhausted, happy, but by now returning to vanilla mindset, the last thing that I think I need is to be locked up in a stainless steel device. Mistress knows full well of course that once she has me locked up again it will only be a matter of hours before she has me feeling submissive and controlled once again. She makes me put on the device and then takes the padlock and clicks it into place. Many times this week I have, in my mind’s eye, seen her do it to me at the end of my session 3 weeks earlier. She had clicked it shut and then looked me in the eye and told me that she was not going to allow me to unlock myself for any reason (I know that she would in a medical emergency, but that wasn’t the point that was being made). She had handed me the heavy duty key safe with my emergency key safely locked away behind a code that only Mistress knows and sent me on my way. At this point I know that I am fucked. I am fully owned with no opportunity to stray.
But whilst I do love chastity it is sometimes incredibly difficult to cope with. Even now, after more than 18 months of being locked almost 24/7 (apart from when Mistress is kind enough to take it off at the HOD) I still sometimes feel a wave of panic hit. It is when I feel so horny that I can think of nothing else and I realise that the only way for me to ease the pressure that is building up inside me is locked away out of my reach. And in my panic of that moment my enforced submission makes me even more horny. It is a wonderful, terrible, fabulous vicious circle. I literally feel like curling up into a submissive ball of intense unstoppable, almost unbearable, hornieness. This is what Mistress can do to me.
During Wednesday we had exchanged e mail’s concerning the date of my next session. I had asked Mistress if I could reschedule due to a commitment that I now had. She had kindly agreed and better still we had settled on a revised date in just 10 days time. And of course I started to think of being with Mistress again, restrained and helpless whilst she took pleasure in my desperation. And then at the end of the day I made matters even more intense and difficult for myself. My vanilla lady friend had said that she wanted to meet up for lunch again. She is a naturally assertive woman (it is one of the many things that I like about her). I had told her that I was feeling particularly compliant that day at which point she moved from assertive to downright bossy! She won’t be at all surprised to hear when she reads this that I am very happy to be bossed about by her. Since telling her of my fetish world our friendship has not been affected. If anything it has strengthened as it has allowed us to talk with each other on a much more personal level. Anyway it forced me to write to Mistress to ask her permission to meet my friend for lunch. In the same e mail I asked Mistress for her permission to send a small gift to a Findom whose twitter outputs I particularly enjoy. It was her birthday and it felt like a good time to thank her for what she does. It seems only right and proper to do this as I do occasionally ‘like’ some of her tweets. I would never want to be considered a ‘freeloader’. Mistress responded that she was too tired to answer such questions that evening and that I was to ask her again the next day.
On Thursday morning I did as instructed and asked Mistress my questions once more. After a little while she kindly responded that both of my requests had been approved, but only on the basis that if I was going to buy a Findom a gift that Mistress expected to be treated likewise. This condition just made me feel all the more horny. My defences had been well and truly demolished by this time. I do enjoy buying gifts for Dommes and particularly for Mistress Deelight. I just have to be careful that I don’t overstretch myself financially. And so Friday was another wonderfully torturous day. I spent a little while on the Findoms wish list and purchased something that I hoped that she would appreciate, and then I spent time on Mistress Deelights’ wish list ensuring that I spent even more on her. And then I spent time agreeing to take my friend to lunch. She was in a particularly bossy mood herself that day and so I was instructed to pick her up from home, take her to the venue of her choice, and not to be late!
I got up early on Friday morning. I really didn’t have any choice. It was the only way that I could stop Mistresses property trying to break out of its device. I sent Mistress an early morning text telling her of my desperation. She responded by calling me her ‘horny weakling’. It was a great description. And then she tweeted a picture of her fabulous breasts cradled beautifully in gorgeous lingerie. As always I convinced myself that it was aimed just at me (rather than any of her other 6000+ followers!) My torturous week continued.
A good example of how relaxed Mistress has been with me this week came later in the day. I had seen that Mistress had posted a blog on Twitter that referred to the fabulous new coat that hypnobot one had bought for her. For once Mistress had made a small mistake. She had referred to it as a Tench Coat. She had of course meant to type Trench. In my state of slave euphoria I thought that I should try to point out her mistake in a light-hearted way. I do understand that this is probably not funny to the vast majority of the (hopefully) adult readers of this blog. But I couldn’t help myself for the rest of the afternoon. I just giggled and giggled like a naughty school boy! I knew that Mistress would find it funny although once I had sent it I did become a little nervous that she might use it as a reason to give me a good telling off (or worse) for being impertinent. What did she do? She exchanged a few light-hearted texts with me and then tweeted her thanks to me for pointing out her mistake. What a lovely Mistress!
Saturday on the face of it was all about getting packed up and driving home. But I knew that it was more than that. I had been treated to internet access on my phone all week due to my problems connecting with my PC. I had a thoroughly wonderful, albeit intensely and desperately horny, week with free access to Twitter and Mistress Deelights website. I had bought Mistress presents, been allowed to buy a Findom a birthday present, been allowed to ask my vanilla lady friend to lunch. Looking back on my week I realised that Mistress had made my holiday so much more enjoyable than it would otherwise have been. I had a profound feeling of gratitude towards Mistress. And in this I found a new and powerful feeling of total submission. I had been taught that it is possible to feel controlled and powerless through kindness as well as through pain or suffering.
As I drove home on Saturday afternoon the words of my Mistress were echoing in my mind.
‘Will I ever allow him some air? Of course! But only so that I can revel in tightening my grip again and again!’
I needed to find out whether this period of fresh fetish air would continue or would be cruelly snatched away from me once again.