Slave Taquin hadn’t submitted his normal fortnightly chastity diary (which he will be punished for as he did not request permission). When I enquired as to his reasons for this, he explained that had been feeling low and didn’t want to submit something uninteresting and joyful (or words to that effect). I explained that regardless of his experience he should still send me an honest blog. The reason being that chastity isn’t always thrills and spills, there will be low points especially when in this for the long haul. It is always important to be totally honest both to me and the followers of my work. Life is real, life can get in the way of things and these things will happen in any long term relationship be it vanilla or kinky. It is what it is and it isn’t always going to be an intense roller coaster, inevitably there will be points where things seem to be on pause. One thing you must always remember as a chastity slave, is that your cock is well and truly locked and owned. Regardless of whether you are being taunted and teased being your coping capabilities, the fact remains that I am still in control. You are still mine and your manhood still has no chance of escape!
The trials and tribulations of long term Chastity.
I have found the last 4 weeks really quite difficult.
As you might have picked up from my interim blog a few weeks ago Mistress and I had been communicating around the time that she posted my session blog. That had led me to become so wound up that I had sent one text too many, and had received a bit of a slap from Mistress. It had been a particularly poor attempt at humour on my part that deserved the response that it got. Now I genuinely hate annoying Mistress. The last thing that she needs is a Slave like me winding her up. This made me very thoughtful and I was determined to take a step back for a few days (not easy when you crave contact and attention – I sometimes fear that I risk behaving like a child craving his Mothers kindness!). As the days went past I found myself seeking excitement from the Internet. This is foolish I know as the only result can be increased frustration, but I can’t help myself when I get so horny. At one point I was reading the blog of a findom and chanced upon the following paragraph on the subject of consensual blackmail. This is where the Slave hands over his personal details, to be used against him if he ever screws up:
As a Domme, I enjoy power. I enjoy having power over a slaves body, mind, computer, finances, and life. The thought of having a slave by the balls excites Me. This excites many slaves as well. The idea of handing over everything is so taboo, so stupid, idiotic, leaving them completely helpless to My mercy and constantly having to live up to My expectations. No way out. I find that this is much similar to having a submissive in chastity. You control the cock, you control the sub. I have always thought that pairing these two things (blackmail and chastity) would be the absolute ultimate form of controlling a slave. Holding the key to the cock along with all of their personal information, having the ability to expose them at the drop of the hat, or lock up their penis forever…. Imagine how fucked over a slave would be, and how much control and power this would give the Domme.
I read the piece a couple of times and found myself incredibly aroused. It was such a dangerous concept. I consigned it to my list of fantasies never to be experienced in the real world and moved onto other subjects. But as the days went by I kept reading it over and over. I would never allow myself to become this vulnerable, would I? Over the following days ‘would I’ became ‘if I did’. And ‘if I did’ became ‘I would only ever trust Miss Deelight to do this to me’. The following is my assessment of how I feel about it:
Do I think that Mistress would wreck my marriage and ruin my life? – No I don’t.
Would I be willing to say ‘no’ to Mistress and risk finding out if I am actually correct? – No I would not.
Could Mistress make my life very uncomfortable without actually pressing the ‘nuclear button’? – Yes she could.
Do I trust Mistress implicitly? – Yes I do (I had to check the dictionary definition for Implicitly…. It means: completely, absolutely, totally, wholeheartedly, utterly, unconditionally, unreservedly, without reservation, without reserve, without qualification, one hundred per cent;)
Would I have any control over what becomes of me ? – No I would not.
And so I confessed my thoughts to Mistress. We firstly agreed that I should revert to daily guidance and control (I had been struggling to cope without daily contact with Mistress), but then life got in the way. Mistress was incredibly busy, then laid low by the Flu and then I went away on Holiday. What had been a difficult couple of weeks for me just got worse as the contact I craved became impossible. Knowing that Mistress was so unwell didn’t help the situation either. I was conscious that it was screwing up her life far more than it was mine. That is just ‘life’ of course but the outcome has been several ‘low energy weeks’ whilst having to cope with the inevitable inconveniences of wearing a chastity device.
The decision as to whether or not I am going to take this next step in my submission has yet to be taken. Whilst I am not yet certain if I am ready for this total power exchange, ultimately the decision will rest with Mistress. Mistress has told me that she would like to discuss it further once she has me tightly bound at the HOD next week. It truly will be her decision at this point as I suspect her ability to interrogate and extract information from me, if she so chooses, far exceeds my pathetic pain tolerance! In the meantime I have been instructed to create the outline of a slave contract that I would be asked to sign (once Mistress has added her own conditions). This has suddenly got very serious.
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